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by IrondadSpiderson



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse, Bully Flash Thompson, Depressed Peter Parker, F/M, Flash Thompson Being A Jerk, Flash Thompson Bullies Peter Parker, Foster Care, Hurt Peter Parker, I killed ben, I will add more tags as I update, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Michelle Jones Is a Good Bro, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Not Spider-Man: Homecoming Compliant, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Mess, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Skip Westcott Being a Jerk, and May, skip wescott hurts peter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:01:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24501271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrondadSpiderson/pseuds/IrondadSpiderson
Summary: Peter parker hasn't had an easy life. First his parents died at a young age. Then he starts getting bullied by Flash. That's when he starts to cut. But he keeps to himself, hiding it from everyone, until he can't.Now, with MJ and Ned trying to hold Peter together, he finds himself in deeper water because that spider bit him at Oscorp. And with great power comes great responsibility, well at least that is what Ben told Peter when he died in his arms. Peter decides that getting revenge on the man that killed Ben is the best course of action. But hiding that just as well as his other secret, his friends find out and lead him onto a better path. Then, when things start to look up, May dies too.Thrown into foster care, Peter has to try to be himself and Spider-man without anyone finding out. Then his luck finally turns around when he saves Iron Man.(I promise this is a happy ending, just not for awhile)
Relationships: Ben Parker & Peter Parker, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Pepper Potts, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 10
Kudos: 91





	1. Hold on to me as we go

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I have finally decided to post this. I have been working on it for a while, and have a decent amount of content written already. I don't think I will be keeping such a strict schedule like my other works, probably only going to post once a month. All the chapter are going to be about 5K, so they aren't short. I don't know how long this will be but, I have written 30K and Tony isn't even in it yet, so I'm expecting well over 50K in total, but still unsure. 
> 
> As for the story content itself, I had this stuck in my head and I had to write it. It is dark. Peter self harms, so please, if that triggers you, please do not read. It isn't super in detail, but it is more than just referenced. So please just be aware of it. Also please note, Major character deaths of May and Ben Parker. I hate to do it, but it was part of this story that I couldn't get out of my head. Also, there is a bunch of swearing, Peter isn't the sweet little teen he normally is. Most of this story is Pter's POV, but I might change it, but I will specify when.
> 
> Also, with everything going on, I want to say this: I stand with you guys. #Blacklivesmatter It is absolutely atrocious what is happening all over the world. It isn't just the USA. Everyone needs to realize that. I am not one to voice my political opinions, but this is something that needs to be said. For everyone joining the riots, please be safe, both with COVID (wear masks) but also with the brutality. Protect your eyes, wear goggles. Do what you have to, but be safe.

“How was your day at school Sweetie?” I close the door behind me and look at May briefly.

“It was okay.” I shrug. 

“Well dinner is in half an hour. Ben should be home any minute too.” I nod slowly.

“I, uhm, I’m going to have a shower.” I go off to my room and throw my bag on the floor. I grab fresh clothes from my dresser and hesitate. 

Today has been horrible. I was late for class and the teacher decided to call me out for it, despite the fact that other people are late all the time and he doesn’t say anything to them. I had my lunch money stolen by Flash and his friends. They don’t even need the money, they just like watching me suffer. Then I realized I forgot my homework at home, and that teacher already hates me. Everyday just feels like I’m climbing a steep mountain. One that I can’t see the top of.

I grab the thin piece of metal and go to the bathroom. I take my clothes off, avoiding the mirror, not wanting to look at myself. Me, the scrawny kid that people pick on. Me, the loner who has a total of two friends. Me, the abnormally smart kid that is a complete outcast. Me, the kid who’s parents died when I was four. Me, the kid who can’t see without his glasses, or breathe without his inhaler. Me, the idiot that started cutting himself so he could feel physical pain as opposed to the mental anguish he feels all the time.

I step in the shower, letting the hot water burn a little. I grab the sharp metal and put it on my arm. I hesitate, like every other time, then push a little harder, dragging it across. The blood starts dripping down my arm, like a crimson waterfall. I pull the metal up and do it again, below the first one. I put it down and stand there for a second, enjoying the pain and letting the blood fade into the drain. 

I quickly wash myself and get out. I avoid the mirror again and get dressed, making sure my arms aren’t visible. May and Ben would freak out if they knew. I head back to my room throwing my clothes in the hamper, and hiding the only constant in my life, the razor. 

The knock on my door startles me and I move to my desk quickly, calling out to come in.

“Hey kid. How are you?” Ben smiles and leans in my doorway.

“Oh. Uh, fine I guess.” I mumble.

“Hhmm. May mentioned that maybe you had a bad day? She said you didn’t look too great”

“I’m fine. Just school.” I shrug. This is not a line of questioning I want to be on. 

“Okay, well May made meatloaf. Time to eat bud.” I nod and follow him to the table where May had already set the food. 

Dinner is a silent affair, the only sound being the forks scraping against the plates and the chewing of the food. I excuse myself after Ben and I do the dishes, heading straight to my room. I’m so done with the day that I want it to be over. Except I have homework. I open up my books and set up at my desk, prepared to do the hour or so of homework I have. 

It wasn’t horrible as I generally enjoy school, outside of the bullying and rude teachers. But the learning aspect I love. So doing the work in the comfort of my room, it was a few moments of peace for me. 

When I finished, I put everything back in my bag, so a repeat of today wouldn’t happen, and I jump into bed. I curl up in a small ball om my twin sized bed and close my eyes.  


* * *

  
The next morning I wake up at six and get ready for the day. I head into the washroom and check my arms, making sure that nothing looks infected. If I want to keep doing this, I have to take care of them so nothing bad happens; Like an infection that causes me to have to lose an arm or something as crazy as that. 

I grab my inhaler, my bag and a granola bar and head out for the school day. I walk down the street, and into the subway. I miss the first train, of course I would, and have to wait seven minutes for the next. Once I get on the train it seems to be more full than usual, so I have to stand with next to no personal space. Then, once I get to the Midtown stop, I finally catch a bit of luck and have no problems getting out or seeing any unwanted people that also use the subway. I walk up to school and see I only have ten minutes as opposed to my usual twenty. I like having the extra time so I can go up the stairs without the trouble of all the other kids running up and down them. Stairs kill my asthma. I can barely breathe after two flights. I especially hate my apartment building because it is seven; I usually need two puffs of my inhaler just to get up them since the elevator has been ‘temporarily broken’ for three months now. I take a quicker pace to my locker to drop off most of my things, just grabbing the essentials, then head for my first class. 

Midtown is a really nice school. It is for the intelligent kids that enjoy science in particular. I’ve been told it is expensive and the only reason May and Ben can afford it is that I get a scholarship due to my grades that cover a large portion of the tuition. But here at Midtown, more people are like me in the sense that we are all gifted in some way. MJ would say that most of the kids here just have parents with money and that’s the only reason they are here. And honestly, in a few particular students, I could tell, but for the most part, I think they earned it. 

That’s the other part of Midtown. My best friend, Ned, and I, since grade three, have only ever had each other. No one liked us at the middle school we liked, so now in our first year at Midtown, we found someone to make our duo a trio. MJ is the perfect counterpart to Ned and I. We are nerdy guys who love LEGO and Star Wars. She is the bookworm that doesn’t care what other think and will tell them what she thinks. 

I set my books down at my desk and realize there are only a few students in here. I wait for MJ, as we both have English, while Ned is stuck in Spanish. 

“Sup loser” I look up and see MJ sitting down beside me.

“Hey.” I give her a small smile.

“Ready to go over the take home readings?” I nod. “Good.” I put my hand on my arm, trying to get rid of the irritating sensation from the scabs.

The bell rings a few minutes later and the teacher starts off the reading discussion. I add a few points, enough to get the participation mark, then I kind of just ignore the rest. My other morning classes go by a little faster as they are classes that are half decent, like math, and Ned or MJ are in them. 

Lunch rolls around and it is the worst time of the day. Kids are annoying and loud. Most of the time I run into Flash or one of his friends and my lunch gets stolen. Luckily today that didn’t happen. I get a sandwich and some orange juice and sit at my usual table with MJ and Ned. As per usual, MJ pulls out a book and ignores everyone, while Ned and I talk movie theories, today we were talking about the original trilogy of Star Wars. 

When lunch was over, we all headed to our physics class, the one class we all together. I rub my arm a little, as it is getting to the point of being itchy. 

“You good?” I look over at MJ. 

“Uh yeah, just an itchy arm.”

“You’ve been doing that all morning to the same spot.” She raised an eyebrow at me.

“I noticed that too.” Ned added.

“I’m fine. Just itchy, as I said.” I walk into the class and sit down in our regular spots. They both look at me but don’t continue their questions. I hadn’t even realized I was doing it that much. Do I always do that? 

The teacher starts the class and can’t seem to focus. My mind drifting in a fog. Ned and MJ came really close to my secret. If that had happened, they would have told May and Ben. Then they would have confronted me about it. Then they would commit me to a psych ward. Then that would mean that it would stop. All freedom would be gone. Because I didn’t hide my secret well enough.

“Peter? Hey Peter, he’s about to announce something.” I’m vaguely aware of Ned talking to me, but my head is still in the fog. I then feel a dull pain in my side and I look at MJ.

“What?”

“You weren’t listening. So I hit you.” She shrugged. “Now pay attention.” I look over to the white board and it is full of equations and I realize I’ve been sitting here, silently freaking out, for the entire class. 

“Okay everyone, next week we are taking a field trip.” Everyone cheers. “Settle down. Settle down. We will have to be on our best behaviours. I got all the physics classes a tour of Oscorp. They are huge into research and studies of all types. So this isn’t just physics related. They do a lot of biology testing, and chemical formulas for their pharmaceutical department. This is a huge opportunity, so please do not ruin our chances of ever going again. I’m hoping to make it a yearly tradition.” He smiles at everyone. The class continues to cheer and be loud while the permission slips are being handed out. 

“This is so exciting guys! Oscorp! A fieldtrip cannot get better than this. It is amazing. We will get to see all of the different things they work on and maybe some live tests!” Ned rambles in his slightly higher pitched excited voice. 

“Oh yeah, so excited to watch a company that is known for testing on animals work. Or how about how they dump chemicals into places they shouldn’t. Don’t even get me started on how they treat the employees there.” MJ huffed and rolled her eyes. 

“Do they actually?” She nods her head.

“Huh, didn’t know that.” Ned shrugs. “But the learning experience MJ!”  


* * *

  
I walk out of school, excited that the day is over. It was a long day, between MJ and Ned asking about my arms and constantly looking for Flash so I can prepare for the name calling. Not that it ever helps. 

“Hey Parker, you thought I just wouldn’t chat with you today?” Speak of the devil.

“Oh, uh hey Flash.” I mumble. 

“You’re lucky. I decided you should get lunch today, but it came at a price.”

“Uhmmm, I’m not sure what you mean?”

“I let you eat in peace. The price, well the price is this” And he lifts his arm up and hits me across the face, making me stumble onto the ground. “You are such a weak bitch Penis Parker.” He kicks me a few times, and I bring my arms up to shield myself. 

“Hey! Eugene, how about you leave him alone!” I hear the distinct sound of MJ yelling. I look up to see her and Ned running over here. Flash lets out a laugh and kicks me again. I groan out in pain. Although the pain is kind of welcome. It is a nice change from the regular type of pain I feel. 

I see MJ push Flash down. He glares for a second before he walks off the other way. 

“Are you okay dude?” Ned helps me up from the ground. I brush myself off a little and nod.

“Yeah, fine. Thanks guys.” I cough a little, breathing being a little difficult at the moment. I dig around for my inhaler and take a puff.

“You are not fine. You are bleeding.” MJ points and I look down to my arm. I see a bit of blood seeping through my shirt and I close my eyes for a second. When I defended myself, Flash kicked my arms, opening my cuts. “Maybe the nurse is still here. Let’s go.”  
MJ grabs my hand and starts leading me back inside. 

“No, I’m fine. Just a few scrapes probably.” I pull my hand away.

“What about your eye?” I frown. “It’s already bruising.”

“I’ll be fine. I’ll fix it up at home.”

“Only if you let me see it.” 

“MJ, I don’t think he is going to let us help him.” Ned points out.

“I don’t care. He’s been acting weird for months now. I want to know why.” Months? She has seen my odd behavior for months now? 

“I’m going home.” I turn around and start walking. MJ grabs my hand and yanks me to her and pulls my sleeve up before I can do anything.

“Oh my god” Her hand goes to her mouth and she looks at me.

“Peter?” Ned just looks at me, in shock.

My exposed arm showing the both of them my new habit. The scars that are newer and the faded ones. Straight lines across my arm from my wrist all the way down my forearm to my elbow. The newest ones looking angry red with blood dripping down from being re-opened.

I stay silent and look down, ashamed that they found out. Ashamed that I couldn’t keep this to myself. 

I feel my other sleeve being pulled up and I do nothing at this point to stop it. They see the same lines, these ones a bit more faded as I am letting it heal while I cut my right one. 

“I’m sorry” I whisper, a tear going down my face. 

“Do May and Ben know?” Ned asked.

“No, they can never know. They’ve done so much for me. It’s not their fault I’m stupid.”

“You are not stupid.” I look at MJ.

“We should tell them.” Ned states.

“No”

“It’s up to Peter. I do agree with you Ned, but we shouldn’t force him to do anything.” She takes a breathe and looks back at me. “Now, are you okay?”

“Do I look like I’m okay MJ?”

“No, I guess not” She hesitates. “Can I hug you?” I nod slowly. She walks up to me and puts her arms tightly around me. “You are amazing. You are smart. You are kind. Don’t forget that.” She whispers in my ear. I feel Ned wrap his arms around us as well. 

Even though I am squished by my two friends, for the first time in months, I feel like I can breathe.  


* * *

  
That weekend they both sleep over at my house. MJ isn’t normally allowed but because there was three of us, the parents decided it was okay. MJ took the bottom bunk, Ned took the top and I volunteered to take the floor. It was probably the best weekend I have had for months. They took my focus off the need to cut myself. They tried to help me find other things to do as opposed to cutting. And they didn’t tell May and Ben.  
We found rubber bands to put on my wrists. When I felt the need, I lifted them and let them snap onto my arm. It stung a little, and left a red mark, but it was better than what I was doing. MJ didn’t like that it involved hurting myself still. But she did acknowledge that it was better than the alternative. 

MJ also wanted me to start talking to them. Why I started, how bad is it, do I ever want to go further.

“Are you going to tell us?” I nod slowly.

“I just need a second.”

“Sure dude.” Ned smiles at me. I close my eyes and go back to the first time I did it.

“The day I started; you remember that day where Flash really decided to bully me. Before it was just a few name insults or a small push, and now it’s well” I trail off and gesture to my face that has a black eye. They nod. “So that day where it got more serious, and he gave my first black eye, but then called me out for not having parents and all that other stuff? That’s the day I went home and cut. I regretted it immediately after. But then a few days later he pulls the same thing, and I cut again. And eventually, it became something I have done almost daily. I miss the days where I did not rely on cutting myself to feel a little better. That’s what this has become. It’s a thing I do to feel something, because I am numb all the time. And when I’m not, the only thing I feel is the pain of everything I have lost.” I explain, feeling bad that I’m unloading all of this on them. We are thirteen, they shouldn’t be having to deal with this. 

“And do you feel like it’s not enough? Like you no longer want to…” MJ trails off looking at me intently. 

“No. I couldn’t do that to May and Ben. Or you guys. I didn’t want you guys to find out. I never wanted anyone to know. And I hate that you guys have to keep my secrets. And that I’ve burdened you with this. It’s not fair and I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I’m glad we know. This way we can help you. You can call us whenever you feel the urge. You can ask for help now Peter. You aren’t alone.” Ned smiled.

“Exactly, and I want to start a system. One where we can gauge how you are feeling. I’m thinking a regular one to ten system. One being happy, no urges and ten being cutting isn’t enough.”

“Yeah okay, sounds good.” I agree. This will be easier than having to explain things to them all the time.  


* * *

  
The week started up and it was the best I had felt in months. My friends helped me everyday, always were calling, checking in to make sure I was okay. Ned has said that it is a bit much for him, but he doesn’t want me to hurt, so he still helps me out. I feel bad about that. We are so young, and Ned isn’t the type of guy to be able to handle stuff like this, so I get it. 

MJ on the other hand is checking my arms daily, making sure my cuts are healing properly, and to make sure I haven’t slipped up. So far, the rubber bands were doing enough to keep me distracted. My numbers have been at around fives or sixes, because Flash just doesn’t know when to stop. On Friday though, everyone, myself included, were excited to go to Oscorp. 

Everyone piled onto the bus, MJ, Ned and I camped out in the back. The excitement of everyone is clear based on the volume on the bus. Everyone is shouting at each other and discussing things they hope we get to do. When we get there, everyone is silent. Just getting off the bus and seeing the outside of this building was amazing. It is sleek and tall and just screams science. 

Everyone gets guest badges, so we have access to the tour floors. Our tour guide was a young woman that looked a little out of her comfort zone. There were almost sixty of us and one of her. 

MJ holds my elbow the entire time, Ned ahead of us, gazing excitedly at everything. MJ seemed not to care but if I looked closely enough, I could see a little bit of joy there. I loved walking through the tower. We got to see some cool machines do things I’ve never even seen. We saw some high-tech chemicals be combined to make new things or see cool reactions, including an explosion. Near the end we went to the bio-chemical lab where they are testing cross species genetics. They had rabbits, hamsters, guinea pigs, ants, snakes and spiders. It was interesting to see these things. Although MJ was correct in her accusation that Oscorp treated these animals like garbage. They all look so sad or scared when people got too close to their cages. The spiders were crazy, some were huge, some were small, and some even had crazy colours on them. Those are the ones that have been bred under certain circumstances to create a new species. 

I ask if I can take a photo with the camera that I brought. I love taking photos. The tour lady agrees as long as I am not taking photos of the chemical equations on the boards. I take some cool photos, and everyone starts moving through the lab. MJ goes to Ned for a second while I finish with the photos. 

I put my camera down, leaving it attached around my neck. I start back to the group when I feel something on my hand. I cringe when I see it is one of the coloured spiders and go to flick it off when it bites me. It stings and hiss as I flick it off my hand. I shudder and keep walking; I hate spiders. 

“You good?” I look up at MJ and nod.

“Yeah fine. Happy with the photos I got.” She grab my arm again and we finish the rest of the tour. 

Overall, it was the best fieldtrip I had ever been on. It sucked that I got bit by the spider, but I don’t even feel it now and there isn’t even a mark. I’m fine.

“Hey Peter, you are looking a little pale” I look at MJ.

“We are living in New York and it is winter. Of course I look a little pale.” I deadpan.

“More so than earlier.”

“Are we just going to ignore that Peter sounded exactly like you with that statement MJ?” Ned laughs.

“Yes.” She shoots him a glare then goes back to me. “Well? You feeling okay?”

“Yes I am fine.”

“Let me see. Maybe something isn’t healing right.” She mumbled and grabbed my arm. She pulls the sleeve and see that everything is looking as good as it could be for someone that cuts themselves. She pulls up the other one and is happy to see no new markings. “I’m confused. You’re fine, but you are clearly not.”

“Maybe he is just sick MJ.”

“Or is it your asthma?”

“Guys, I’m fine. If anything I’m a little tired. That’s all. I promise.” The seem to accept the answer for now.

When we get back to the school, it was time to go home, so that was a relief. I was also very happy to make it one week without cutting. It’s been a tough week because of it but it makes it easier that I have two amazing friends. 

My walk home seemed longer than normal, my body just not wanting to walk anymore. By the time I got to my apartment, I had taken two puffs of my inhaler and was about to walk up seven flights of stairs. They took me about twenty minutes to get up. I just had to stop at every platform to breathe as it was getting harder and harder.

Is this what I get for trying to be better? I try to be a healthier version of myself, who I used to be and the world is giving me signs that it will not be happening. First the spider and now this? 

I walk into the apartment and May is making dinner. 

“Hey sweetie, how was the fieldtrip?” She turns around to look at me. “Oh sweetie you look sick. How about you go lay down and I’ll check on you in a bit?” I nod and drag myself to my room. I drop my bag and just lay on my bed. I do not bother with getting pajamas on.  


* * *

  
“Hey kid, May said you weren’t feeling good?” I groan and roll over to see Ben standing beside my bed.

“No.”

“Well do you feel like eating?” I shake my head. “Well how about you have a shower and change into some comfy clothes and we can all have a movie night. How’s that sound bud?”

“M’kay. Sounds good.” I slowly sit up and wait a minute before I grab my clothes. About five minutes later I make it into the shower, feeling a little better with the hot water warming me up. I jump out pulling on sweatpants and a hoodie on.

I go to the living room with my blanket and sit between May and Ben.

“Feeling a little better?” May asks, putting a hand on my forehead. 

“Mhmm.” I lean my head on her shoulder. Ben turns on The Phantom Menace, and I get to the part where they meet Anakin before I fall asleep. 

Awhile later I feel myself being carried; I assume to my bed.

“Ben I’m going to grab the thermometer, he feels too warm.”

“Yeah, he isn’t looking great either. Might be the flu.” I feel something being pressed to my ear and a loud beep.

“Oh my goodness. Ben, he has a fever of 104.5. What do we do?” May gasps. 

“He needs fluids, or he is going to get dehydrated. And we need medicine. Do we have any?”

“I will go to the store quickly and get everything he needs.”

The entire time I feel like it is an out of body experience. I’m not sleeping but I’m not aware of what’s happening. 

“Pete, are you awake?” I try to say yes, but I think just groans came out instead. “I’m sorry Pete, this must suck. But May is going to get stuff so you will be feeling better in no time.” I feel a hand card through my hair. 

I must have drifted off again because suddenly someone was holding out a bottle of some sort of liquid to my lips.

“Sweetie you need to drink this. It will help you. And you need to take these.” I feel a few pills be put in my hand. I try to sit up, and I succeed with help. I take the pills and drink the entire bottle of water. 

“Okay Pete, you get some sleep and we will check on you in the morning. If you need anything come get us. Okay?” I nod and slide back down, pulling my blankets tight around me.

“I’ll grab you more blankets.” May comes back a few minutes later with the two blankets that we keep in the living room. I feel them being placed on me then the sound of the door closing.

I try to sleep but I just lay awake, a weird feeling moving through me.

Then the pain hits. It feels like fire coursing through my veins. And I think this is the end. I know I told MJ and Ned that I never wanted to take my life, but if this is how its going to go for me, well, I change my mind. I try my best for a week, and I’m rewarded with the worst pain I’ve felt in my life. I roll around trying to get more comfortable, but the pain just continues.  


* * *

  
The next time I become conscious, it’s bright. Bright and loud. I can hear Ben and May cooking in the kitchen, and by the smell of it, I would say they are making pancakes. I can hear the birds chirping outside my window and the traffic down below on the streets. I look around my room and see my alarm clock that read ten in the morning. Well, I guess I only had the twenty-four-hour flu. I grab my glasses and put them only to be confused. I take them off and I can see everything. Like everything has so much detail that I never noticed before. Then, when I put the glasses on, it’s super blurry. I shrug and put them on my side table. 

After getting dressed I walk out to the kitchen to grab food. I am starving. 

“Oh Peter! Thank goodness you are awake. I was so worried!” May pulls me in for a hug.

“I’m uh fine. I feel great.” I smile a little.

“Well sleeping the whole weekend away will do that” Ben laughed and patted me on the back.

“What, uh, what do you mean?” I ask, confused. The whole weekend?

“It’s Sunday morning sweetie.” May smiled.

“Oh” Is all I manage to say. I guess I was a little bit sicker than I realized. 

“I want to take your temperature though. You have been going between 102.3 to 105.1 all day yesterday.” May grabbed the thermometer and shoved it in my ear. It made a horrible beep noise and I flinched away. “Not bad. It is at 100.5. I’ll take it. Now are you hungry? We have pancakes.”

“Yeah I’m starving” I take a seat and wait for May to place the food.

“I can imagine. You haven’t eaten all weekend.” Ben commented, while taking his seat. 

“Here you boys go” May slides the both of us three pancakes. I mumble out a thanks before I dig in. After those, I still feel hungry. “You want more sweetie?” I nod and she slides three more on my plate. 

When those are finished, I feel full enough to not think about being hungry, but I definitely could eat more. 

I ignore that and announce that I am going to have a shower. I was apparently in bed all weekend; I can’t smell nice. 

I strip out of my clothes and my eye catches something in the mirror. I take a deep breathe and stand in front of it. There, in the mirror is me. But not Peter Parker me, more like a better in everyway version. My arms have muscles and tones, on Friday they were just scarred noodles. And sure the scars are still there but… My eyes widen. They have faded a bit. And the ones that were healing look a lot better than before. And my chest, my stomach, what is happening? I blame it on my lack of glasses and jump in the shower.  


* * *

  
By the end of the day there was no denying it. Something weird happened while I was sick. I had accidently snapped two pens like they were twigs, which was not fun to clean up. I had gone for a walk outside to get some air and I heard sirens but I knew where they were despite the fact that I couldn’t see them. Not to mention I still hadn’t put my glasses on, and I could see things differently than I had ever.

But I had no idea what had caused this. Everything was normal at the fieldtrip. Except for that wildly coloured spider that bit me. The ones that the lady said they cross bred but for it to be successful they had to use certain chemicals. But that didn’t make sense. No chemical or chemical compound that I could think of had the ability to do that. Except for gamma radiation. But Oscorp wouldn’t mutate spiders for science, Would they? But it would explain my high fever all weekend and the pain I had felt. So a radioactive spider bit me… and gave me powers? 

At first I thought this was a blessing, my life turning around so I could have some good luck for once. But on my walk I see a few TV’s showing the news on a mutant that had been using his ability to kidnap people. This brought about a handful of other situations where mutants had done bad things.

“Disgusting things aren’t they? They aren’t even human” An older man scoffed at the TV. I looked down.

Of course, just when I thought things could be better, they end up being worse for other reasons. I cannot tell anyone about this. MJ and Ned can never find out. Neither can May or Ben. I walk home and see May leaning against the counter, in her scrubs.

“Peter I was called in for a shift today. Ben has the night patrol this week. Will you be okay tonight?”

“I’ll be fine.” I give her a small smile.

“Okay you call if you need anything.” She kisses my head and heads out. I walk to my room and pull out my razor. I go to the bathroom and roll my sleeve up. I press down, harder than normal. I lift up and do it again right below. Making my arm that had been free of fresh cuts turn red. The blood was pooling way too quickly. Rolling down my arm like a steady stream of water. I feel the room start spinning and I smile. 

This world is out to get me. Nothing ever good ever happens to Peter Parker. And just when I think it does, well, the world has a funny way of showing me its not good luck.

I run the tap water over my arm, cleaning the blood off. I grab some of the bandages I use and wrap them up. The room is constantly spinning right now, and my body is telling me to get food. So I turn to my bedroom and collapse on the bed, wishing I never wake up.


	2. As We Roll Down This Unfamiliar Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flash is a jerk. But it's okay, MJ is here to save the day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys! I hope everyone is doing well.   
> These are crazy times right now, so please stay safe everyone! Keep doing the things you are doing (Donating, signing petitions and protesting)
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!

I wake up and my head is pounding. I groan and roll out of bed. Everything is bright and loud again, and it is painful. The world seems different than it did yesterday. Darker, but yet still bright, in a painful way. Almost as if any hope I had in the world was gone. I go through the motions of getting ready for school, packing my bag and grabbing the money that May had left for dinner last night.

Before heading to school, I go to my favourite Deli and grab my favourite sandwich, smushed down real flat. I eat half of it on my way, my stomach not being able to shut up.

I walk into school, with my usual twenty minutes to spare. Instead of getting to class early, I eat the other half of the sandwich at my locker. 

“Hey dude.” I smile briefly at Ned. 

“Sup Peter. What’s your number today?” I look down. I don’t want to concern her or make her feel the need to tell someone about it, but she has been so nice that I don’t want to lie either. 

“Uhm, I don’t know. Maybe an eight or a nine.” I grab a book from my locker, resting it on my new cuts. I feel a dull pain, but nothing I can’t handle. 

“What happened?” MJ’s smile dropped and she looked me over. I just shrug. There is no way I’m telling her about what I discovered. “Did you...” She gives my arms a pointed stare then looks back at me. I look down again, and I think that is answer enough. “Ned you go to class. I got this.” I hear him walk off slowly, as if he wasn’t sure he should leave. He is such a good friend. 

MJ grabs my books from my arms and puts them in her bag. She grabs my hand pulls me into the woman’s washroom, locking the door behind us.

“I can’t be in here, I’m not-”

“I don’t care. Let me see.”

“That’s not a good idea.” I mumble. I never actually changed the bandages this morning or looked at the wounds. She goes to lift up my sleeve, but I move my hands behind my back.

“Peter. Let me look.”

“No.” She glares at me and pushes me against the wall. My eyes widen. Her whole side body is pressed against my front as she forces the sleeve on my right arm up. She sees the old ones and moves the sleeve down. She then turns her whole body so she can face the other way and repeat the same action to my left arm. She flinches and gasps, tears forming in her eyes.

“I thought we were helping. Am I, am I making it worse?” She looks at me, her eyes boring into mine. 

“No, I just came to a terrifying thought this weekend. And it took me over the edge. I’m sorry.” I sniff a little, starting to cry myself. Before I can say anything else, her arms wrap around me, giving me a hug. “I’m so sorry MJ. I didn’t want you to know and-” 

“Shut up.” She buries her head into my shoulder for a second, me still being on the stiff side as hugs from anyone but Ben and May weirded me out. She stayed there, hugging me, until I finally relaxed into it. She wiped her tears away. “Okay, I’m going to clean these for you okay? They don’t look great.” She opened her bag and pulled out more bandages. I have a feeling she put them in there for me. 

I let her clean my arm up, better than I did last night. She puts new bandages on and declares me good to go as the warning bell rings out. We go to English, sitting in our seats just as the final bell rang. MJ paid attention, same as normal, ignored me, like usual, but something she did that she normally didn’t? She had scooted her chair next to mine, so our legs were touching, and she held my arm. The entire time she held my arm. I was writing notes for the class, but she just kept hanging on, unbothered by the fact that it was probably uncomfortable. 

It was unsettling that my actions caused her to react like this. I mean sure we have been friends for almost a year now, but she always seems to distance herself from Ned and I. And now she has put herself in a position where she is actively caring, which is abnormal for her. 

The bell rings and I grab my stuff and stand up. MJ throws her bag on her back and grabs my arm. 

“Let’s go, we have Spanish now.” I let her lead the way to our next class. We get a few weird looks, but MJ pretends like they don’t exist, completely unbothered by it. 

The rest of the day goes by in a similar fashion. Except when I realize that finals are next week, and I somehow forgot about them. MJ and Ned decide that we will have a weekend sleepover at my house again. It’s only Monday but now we have plenty of time to plan what needs to be studied for and we have time to write out some test cards to study with. I am excited by this, but also not at the same time. The more time they spend around me the more they might realize that I’m different. I still haven’t figured out how different I am. I haven’t tested out if I can do other things besides having my enhanced senses. 

But that all seems pointless when I wakeup the next morning and start my daily routine, which includes changing my bandages. I look at the two gashes that were there yesterday. And they are still there, but they look like they are a week or two old, not two days. It’s completely scabbed over, most of the angry red lines around it are gone and it just doesn’t look right. I look at the other ones and they are all completely gone. 

So, it appears as though I have some type of healing abilities. Nothing immediate, but definitely speeds the process along. And for someone who has been checking my arms daily, this is probably going to be noticeable.

I put my head on the counter and take a deep breathe. I do not need this right now. I have to start prepping for exams, not trying to hide my abilities. I look up and see my razor reflect some light. That could work.

I cut exactly where the ones from the other day were, re opening the nearly healed wounds. I clean it up, make it look good enough that MJ won’t freak out. 

I eat toast for breakfast and make my way to school. MJ wants me to go a bit earlier now so she can make sure I’m okay. And so we can talk if need be. So I get there half an hour early, and I see her leaning against my locker. 

“Come on there is a quiet spot in the library I like.” Pulling me with her after I grabbed my stuff, she leads me through the halls to the library, in the encyclopedia section. There is a little bench there and no one around. We sit down and she looks at me.

“How are you, on the number scale?”

“Maybe a seven.” Only that high because I have to lie to her and Ned though.

“Okay. Did you cut last night?” 

“No.” And that’s the truth. I did this morning though.

“Can I see your arm? Make sure it’s doing okay still?” I nod and move my arm close to her. She carefully inspects it and nods. “It’s already looking better, I think. Anything else you want to talk about?” I shake my head and look down. 

She leans over and hugs me again, resting her head on my shoulder. 

“I, uhm, I actually have a question.” She looks at me, a small smile on her face. 

“Go ahead”

“The past few days, well weeks even, but more so since yesterday, you’ve been, I, uhm, don’t know how to say this. Never mind.” I look away. How can I ask her questions and expect her to answer when I am hiding stuff from her.

“You can ask Peter, it’s okay” I look at her again.

“Okay. You know how I’m not a fan of physical contact?” She nods and moves away slightly. “You seem to have forgotten that I guess? I don’t know. I just want to know why”

“I didn’t forget.” She looks down. “I have been reading what to do for people who, uh, harm themselves. And one of the things I saw was physical touch. Make sure they know where they are in the present and let them know you are there for them. That’s what I’ve been doing but I’ll stop.” I look at her for a second. 

“No, it’s okay. I’ve put this burden on you, so if it makes you feel better, even a little, then it’s okay. Might just take some time getting used to someone being that close. No one ever wants that from me, so…” I trail off.

“You are amazing Peter. And smart. And kind. I don’t want you to forget that. And I don’t want to lose you.”  


* * *

  
“Penis Parker, you’ve been avoiding me. Never letting your little girlfriend Michelle go from your arm.” I look up to see Flash and a few friends in front of me. “No one to protect you now puny parker.” He laughed. I tried walking around them, just wanting today to be over. It’s been an overall nice day and I don’t really want him to ruin that. He puts his arm in front of me.

“Not so fast. I think we need to make up for lost time. What do you think guys?” His friends all nod approvingly. 

“Now how about we decide something I can-” Before I can finish they push me down to the ground. They take my bag off and throw it to the side.

“Now, what to do to you?” He looks around and something catches his eye because a huge smirk appears on his face. “Chase, you have rope or something in your car?”

“I think. Be right back.” I watch him run to the parking lot, I assume to his car.

“This will be so much fun. Aren’t you excited Penis?” Flash laughed “Oh you do have some!” He grabs the rope and tells someone the grab me. Chase and another guy each grab a foot and drag me across the school field, to the property that is no longer the school’s. “Chase strip him. Leave the underwear on though, that’s not something I want to see.” I start struggling because this is where I draw the line. I will not let them see my arms. This will not happen.

“That’s so cute that you think you can just fight us off.” One of them laughed, but they were struggling to get them off, so my plan is working. 

“Knock him out.” I look up and see flash holding a textbook. The physics textbook. That monstrosity. 

He whacks me over the head with it and my head turns and smacks into the ground. I hear a buzzing sound, and my world is spinning. Before I can even try to right myself, I feel another smack and my world goes black.

I came back around with a headache and feeling cold. I look down and see I’m in nothing but my boxers. I look around and I see my bag a few feet away, not close enough for me to reach. I pull against the ropes, but it only makes my wrist burn a little. The sun is still up so I can’t have been unconscious for a long time. I put my head against the tree I’m tied to. This sucks.

I don’t see my clothes anywhere, so I’ll need new ones. And they all must have seen my arms and the scars that are littered all over them. Although I feel like they won’t say anything as they will be questioned as to how they know. I curl up, put my head on my knees, my arms still tied around the tree. Just when I think I should give up; the sun reflects off of something. I look closer and I see my phone. It must have fallen out of my sweater. I take a deep breathe and I stretch for it, reaching my legs out, making myself be in a very uncomfortable position. I kick it closer to me and grab it with my mouth.

Now I have a few options. Call May as she is probably home and can bring me clothes. But I quickly decide that’s no good as she would see my arms. So that leaves Ned and MJ. But Ned said something about his grandma’s birthday. So that’s also out. MJ it is then.

I grab the phone in my mouth and sit up again, putting it on my knees. I then unlock my phone with my nose and find MJ’s number. I go to text her but realize that will take too long and settle on calling her. I put it on speaker and call her. 

“Peter? Are you okay? Do you need me to come over?” I hear faint rustling as she panic whispers the questions to me.

“Uh, hey MJ. I’m not at home, but do you happen to be near the school right now?”

“Why?” She hesitates.

“Well, I’m there still. Kinda. Just outside the property actually. But I need help.”

“Oh. I was in the library, so I can help. Where are you exactly? And is this a first aid emergency?”

“Just past the football field where the trees are.” I close my eyes thankful that she was near and I’m not interrupting her whole life with my problems. Again. 

“Okay, I’ll be there in a second.”

“Wait!” I half yell.

“Are you okay?”

“I need you to grab something from my locker first. Please.”

“Sure. What is it?”

“My gym bag.”

“O-kay. I’ll be there in five.” She hangs up and I sigh in relief. I thought I was going to be here for awhile.

After a few minutes I hear footsteps on the football field. I try to turn, but I can’t see. I wait until they get a bit closer.

“MJ?” I call out.

“Peter, I don’t see you.”

“I’m over here.” I hear her steps falter then stop all together.

I turn my head, but I still can’t see her. Her footsteps seem to drag as she gets closer to me.

“What happened?” Her eyes wide. She immediately kneels down and starts untying me. Once both arms are free, I wrap them around myself, still not answering her question. “Here,” She hands me my gym clothes and I hurriedly put them on. Once I’m done I look at MJ who is looking like she is about to cry.

“Sorry I made you come get me. But you’re the only one I trust right now.” She throws herself at me, hugging me so tightly.

“I don’t care that I had to come get you. Are you okay?” She looks at my face, her hands on my shoulders. 

“Yeah, I think so. I don’t know.”

“Okay. Come on, let’s get up. Do you have shoes.” I look over and see them near my bag. I guess Flash isn’t that cruel. I put them on and grab my bag. MJ takes her usual spot by my side and grabs my arm, tighter than usual. 

“I can walk you home” I smile at her.

“I think I should be the one walking you home after all of that.” She gestures to the tree that we are walking away from. “Actually, do you need me to come over? My parents aren’t home so it would be okay.”

“Uh, sure.”

“And we can start studying for finals. I mean it is Thursday and we have two on Monday.” I nod slowly.

“I’ll call May and ask.” I pull out my phone and call her. After telling her that it was just MJ, she was hesitant, but still agreed as I said it was to study.

“Cool. Should we get snacks?”

“Definitely.” We head to the store on the way to my apartment and grab some chips, pop, and sour candy.

I unlock the door and walk in, MJ behind me. 

“Hey sweetie. Hi, Michelle. It’s nice to see you again! I hope you like spaghetti.” May smiled.

“Spaghetti is great.”

“May we are going to study in my room now.” I grab MJ’s hand and lead her with me.

“Wait, I just want to talk for a second. I have ground rules. This door stays open at all times and homework has to actually get done. Are we clear?” She looks between the both of us. I’m embarrassed that she thinks we are dating. I turn and see MJ is hiding her laugh behind her hands.

“May, we are friends, that’s it. Nothing besides studying is going to be happening” 

“If you say so. But I see things Peter, and you two are not just friends.” She points a spatula at us then heads back into the kitchen.  


* * *

  
By the time finals were done, I had a great week. I was too focused on the tests that I didn’t even have time to think about cutting. Sure I pulled my hair and snapped the rubber bands, and I accidently opened a wound by scratching it, but it was okay. 

MJ seemed happier about it, Ned too. They smiled a lot more despite the exams, because I smiled a bit this week. Like real genuine smiles, not the fake ones. To celebrate us all being done a successful year at school, the three of us were having a weekend together again. We decided my house again because it has the bunk beds, thus more room.

We played the video games that Ned brought over, we even got MJ to play as well. We had lots of fun, playing until after midnight. May and Ben had gone to bed awhile ago but told us not to be too loud. It was nice having this little bit of freedom. Plus with it being summer now, I will not have to see Flash.

“I think I’m done gaming. My eyes feel fried.” MJ groans, and lays back on the floor. 

“Yeah, same” Ned turns the game off and rubs her eyes. I stay quiet, having not experiencing this. Well I used to, but I guess that’s another that doesn’t happen to me anymore.

“Are we going to bed?” I look over at MJ who asked the question. 

“If you guys want.” I shrug.

“It’s late. We should call it.” Ned agreed. He jumps up to the top bunk, I settle in on the floor with the air mattress and MJ gets in on the bottom bunk. 

We all lay in the dark, in silence. Based on their breathing patterns, they are not sleeping yet. I just lay there waiting for them to sleep first.

“Peter?” Ned whispered.

“Yeah?”

“We want to ask you something” Ned shifted a little.

“We have noticed your weird behaviour recently.” MJ starts.

“You guys already know why” 

“No, this is different. Subtle things.” MJ adds.

“What do you mean?” 

“You don’t wear your glasses. And I know you don’t have contacts because you would have taken them out before bed.”

“And your reflexes have been quicker.”

“You haven’t taken your asthma inhaler in weeks. Something you do several times a day.” MJ explains.

“And you’ve heard things way before we do.” Ned adds.

“You have been healing weird. Your arms I mean. Those gashes are completely gone. In a week, completely gone. They were taking several weeks before. And you even opened it up when you scratched it. So you heal quicker now.” They both point out several points. I stay silent for a second, not knowing how to respond. I thought I was better at keeping secrets than this.

“I don’t know what to say” I mumble.

“The truth. We think we know it. But we want you to say it.”

“I’m enhanced.” I blurt out before I can second guess it. Keeping this secret has been a burden, and I’m glad to get rid of it. Even if it is risky.

“I knew it!”

“Ned! Shhh” I hiss. “We have to be quiet. No one besides the people in this room know. Let’s keep it that way”

“But this is so cool!”

“Why were you hiding this from us?”

“Because you guys already help me so much, and I’m sure you think I’m already a freak. I just didn’t want to prove that.” I sniff a bit and wipe my tears.

“Dude, we don’t care that you’re different, it’s why we like being your friend” I look up and see Ned looking at me.

“Thanks.” I hear ruffling of a blanket before I see MJ standing beside me. “What are you doing?” She doesn’t do anything, her blanket around her, before she lays down beside me, her arms going around me.

“Are you okay?”

“I guess yeah. Realizing is what actually caused me to break a few weeks back.” I explain, still feeling bad that she thought it was her.

“Oh.”

“Are you going to tell us what happened?”

“The fieldtrip at Oscorp. One of those cross breads of spiders bit me. I can guess the chemical they are doing such a thing with.”

“I had actually been wondering about that.”

“Gamma radiation. But only small traces I assume.”

“Do you, do you hulk out like Bruce Banner?” Ned whispers in what sounds like awe. 

“Not that I’m aware of.”

“We need to test what other things you can do.” Ned gets excited. “We have a summer project!”

“Ned this isn’t a good idea…”

“Actually we should test your limits. You don’t want to slip up.” MJ whispers, still pressed into my side.

“I mean, I guess? But I think it is just my senses. And the healing thing” 

“Did it hurt?”

“Yep. Kind of wished for death that weekend. I guess the pain made me pass out though as I was in pain on Friday night and woke up Sunday morning”

“Huh.”

“We should get some sleep. We can start brain storming ideas in the morning.” Ned and I agree.

I hear Ned turn over, getting settled and I look at MJ.

“You staying there?” I whisper.

“Yep. Especially after that last confession.” I look down and see that we both have our own blankets, so it’s not really inappropriate. Well I don’t think it is. I shrug, move my arm to be sort of around her and close my eyes.  


* * *

  
I grab my keys and walk down the apartment stairs to where MJ and Ned were waiting for me outside. Halfway through the summer and we are finally getting to the testing my abilities. Ned had a family thing for two weeks down in California and MJ had a trip down to Washington. I stayed home and found secluded parks, where people do not go. If I’m testing powers, I do not want people to accidently happen upon us. 

In the past few weeks I have noticed a few other things about my mutation. Things seem lighter. With textbooks and other things that I hold daily, I didn’t seem to notice. But May asked me to vacuum the living room which involves moving the couch. I normally have to prep to move it, and even then, its only half at a time. But last week I went to lift up and move it, I picked up the entire thing at it felt light. I have also noticed that my hands stick to things when I’m not paying attention. So now a lot of my focus is spent on not being too rough and not sticking to things. It is really weird. 

“Hey dude, how has your summer been so far?” I look up at Ned and smile. We start doing our handshake and I see MJ shake her head out of the corner of my eye.

“Pretty chill. Haven’t done much. Ben and I painted the kitchen. May took me shopping a few times. What about you? How was California?” 

“California was great. The drama in my family was not.”

“That sucks man. How about you MJ?” I turn to look at her.

“Took part in a protest in DC. Was pretty awesome.” I nod.

“Sounds fun. Now I have a place we can go. It is quiet and reserved. But can we grab food and stuff to bring with us? I’m pretty hungry but I do not want to waste time sitting down and eating.” They nod and we stop at Delmar’s as usual. We all get some pop, water, a sandwich, and other small snack foods. We jump on a bus down to Brooklyn, getting off near the park we are headed to. We walk down some paths and through some trees until we get to where I wanted.

We stand in the middle of a bunch of trees, wild little flowers on the green grass. It was a beautiful place to be. Hopefully we don’t ruin it too much.

“How are you today? Like from one to ten?” I give MJ a little smile.

“Five. A little nervous about today.”

“So what should we start with? Your hearing? Sight?” Ned asks very excitedly.

“Actually I have discovered a few things in the past little bit that I want to work on first. The hearing and the other senses I can work on from home.”

“Can you fly? Or turn invisible?”

“No Ned, I uh, I think I’m stronger. Not sure by how much, but I’ve noticed a difference. I also think I’m sticky. Like my hands can stick? I’m not really sure though” I ramble on.

“That’s so cool!”

“What do you mean sticky?” 

“Like this,” I put my bag on the ground, then with a flat hand, I put it on the top of it. I then start lifting, making sure I’m actually sticking to it before it is at shoulder level. I look up at them, trying to get a read on their expressions. Ned looks like he is still super excited, and MJ looks, unimpressed?

“How does that work?”

“Does it matter? That’s so freaking cool MJ!”

“I’m not actually sure. But I mean spiders can stick to walls so” I shrug.

“Can you try it…” MJ trails off as she holds her hand out towards me. I drop the bag and take a step towards her. I hesitate for a second before I stick my hand to hers. Her eyebrows furrow as she tries to pull her hand away but can’t. After a few more tugs by her I let it go. “That is weird. It feels like nothing is there though.”

“That was so cool guys!” 

“I suspect it is the little hairs that spiders have that allow them to crawl on walls though. They are fibrous, and on the ends of their legs, and they may be tiny but can hold a lot of weight.” Ned and I both look at MJ weirdly. That is a lot of knowledge about one part of a spider. “Don’t look at me like that. My best friend gets bit by a spider. What did you expect me to do? Just let us figure everything out? No, I of course looked stuff up.” She huffed and turned away for a second.

“How about we move on to the strength thing?” I suggest, hoping to make things less awkward.  


* * *

  
“Oh! Ben our Peter is fourteen now! Look at him!” I look up at the both of them, a small smile on my face.

“Yep. Pretty old. Pretty soon he’ll need to get a job and pay rent!” Ben laughs and May smacks him.

“You’re growing up too fast” She pulls me in for a hug, squeezing me tightly. Ben hugs me after, then they both look at me with smiles. “We are going out to that diner you like for breakfast. So get your shoes on honey,” I nod, and walk to my shoes slipping them on.

I like my birthdays. Sure I don’t get a huge party, and maybe I don’t have a lot of friends to invite, but I have fun. Ben and May always take me out to this diner where I stuff my face. Then when we go back home, the three of us attempt to bake a cake, by the end of this, we decide to head to the bakery five minutes away and grab a cake that is actually edible. By this time, Ned has shown up, ready for the movie-a-thon of whatever we want. We camp in the living room with lots of sugary snacks to keep us up all night. We have never actually succeeded in this part, but we try our bests. All in all, it is a pretty awesome birthday. And this year I have MJ now, so it will be more fun.

We sit down in a booth, looking through the menu. I decide on a huge breakfast special they have as I am starving. This whole eating more is so foreign to me. 

“So Pete, what time are your friends planning on coming over?” I look up at Ben and shrug a little. 

“Don’t know. Ned said he was picking MJ up on his way, and he normally gets there by like one or two.”

“Excellent. I bought a box mix for the cake we can make.” I smile and shake my head. Despite the fact that May knows its going to be a disaster that never pans out, she still wants to try. 

Breakfast was filled with playful banter between us. It was nice. It made me feel like everything was going back to normal. This entire summer I have not cut. I’ve felt like I used to, without the burden I had put upon myself. I smiled more, and I am starting to feel comfortable in my body. Something I don’t think I have ever felt between the asthma, huge glasses and scars. 

And now, with two weeks left of the summer, I feel happy at the place I’m at. Something I haven’t felt in awhile. But being here with my family, I know that I am. And I will be happier later, when I have my family and friends altogether in one place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come bother me on [Tumblr](https://serious-problems.tumblr.com/) if you want!


	3. And Although this Wave is Stringing Us Along

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, Happy Monday!
> 
> This chapter is a bit angsty and trigger warning for self harm😬 It is very emotional is all I'm going to say. Next few chapters are going to be the same thing as well.
> 
> Enjoy!

I let the water run down my body, blood running down the drain. I stand under the water for a few more minutes, before I get out. I slowly get dressed, and when I finish, I slowly bandage my arm. A few tears fall down my face, ashamed and angry at myself.

I don’t know why I let Flash get to me like that. But it’s true. All Flash did was tell me facts. He waited until MJ and Ned were gone. Waited for no one else to be in hearing distance. Waited patiently for his opportunity to take his shot at tearing me down. And it worked. All he did was tell the truth; I’m a stupid kid that cuts himself because he doesn’t like who he is.

I walk into my room, turn my light off and just lay on my bed. I don’t know how long I stay like that before Ben is knocking at my door and opening it.

“You okay Pete? Feeling sick?” He walks over and puts his hand on my forehead.

“No, I’m fine. Just tired” I mumble.

“Okay bud. It’s dinner time so come get something to eat then if you don’t have homework you can go to bed if you want. But food first.” I nod and get out of bed, following him to the table.

I eat in silence, wishing a sink hole would open up and swallow me whole.

After I finished, I cleaned up the dishes and headed to my room. I laid down and curled myself up into a small ball and closed my eyes.  


* * *

  
I wake up feeling disorientated and tired. I go through the motions of getting myself ready for school, not feeling like I want to go. It’s one month in since it started back up and I already do not want to go. Nice.

I got to the bathroom and turn the sink on. I make three large cuts to take some tension out. I close my eyes, just enjoying the moment.

“Peter, breakfast is ready!” And just like that it’s ruined.

I clean up and eat in a rush. I head out the door but get stopped before I make it.

“Hey Peter, slow down you got time.” I turn and see both Ben and May.

“We were planning on having a family dinner out tonight” May smiled.

“And we both want to pick you up from school today. We both have the day off.” Ben added.

“Okay.” I nod.

“Run along Pete. We will see you later!” Ben called out as I ran out the door. That’s weird, they both normally have different days off.

I get to school with my regular twenty minutes to spare. I casually grab my stuff from my locker, waiting for MJ to do our check-ins. She is going to be so disappointed today. I turn around, just to see MJ smiling at me.

“Hey Peter” I give her a small smile, but hers immediately falls. She pulls me to our spot in the library and lifts my sleeves up without any words. She stares at them for a second before she does her little assessment and cleaning. After all that, she looks at me a pinch in her eyebrows.

“What happened? You have been doing so good.” She grabs my hands tightly.

“Just Flash being Flash.” I mumble. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Her hand goes under my chin, forcing me to look at her.

“Don’t apologize, I think you know that you messed up.” I nod. “Okay. Do you want to talk about it?” I shake my head. “Do you need me to come over today?”

“If I wasn’t having a weird family night out, I would say yes. Both May and Ben are home today and picking me up from school and we are going out for dinner. The whole thing is odd and I’m not sure how I feel about it.”

“Okay. Can I hug you?”

“Always.” She pulls me close and starts whispering in my ear.

“You are amazing, smart and kind. Please don’t forget that.”

The warning bell rings out and we head to our class in silence. MJ held my hand through the entire class. I hate that my actions make her like this. It is like a punch to the gut knowing I caused her that pain.

Our next class we have with Ned, and we enjoy the class. It’s math and we all know how to do the work, so it leaves more time for us to talk. I get into class, distracting myself from my stupid actions. The other two classes after weren’t bad either. I had one with Ned and the other one by myself. That part sucked but at least it was English, a class I already disliked. Throughout these classes I had noticed Flash looking at me. It was odd and I did not like it.

The bell to start lunch rang out and kids ran out of the class. I took my time, not wanting to walk through the sea of kids in the hallways. About five minutes after the bell, I make my way to my locker, most of the kids already in the cafeteria. I join MJ and Ned at our usual table. We talk about usual stuff, which does not include my abilities. MJ was smart to make up rules about that. Do not talk about them during school, or when parents were around. I’m kind glad she made the rules or else I feel like someone else would have figured it out already. And she has been great at helping me focus when my senses go haywire.

The bell rang, ending lunch. Ned, MJ and I all had gym right now, so it isn’t horrible, except that I have to try extra hard to hide my strength in this class. We head to both of their lockers before we get to mine. But getting there, we see a huge group of students surrounding it. MJ, being MJ, pushes a way for the three of us. But then she stops dead in her tracks. I look up and I feel sick. On my locker written in what looks like permanent marker are the words ‘Penis Parker the cutter boy’ and ‘you should cut deeper next time’ and the last one ‘die you attention whore.’ I stand there frozen.

It sounds like I’m underwater all of the sudden. No words can be distinguished from the others. I feel my breathing speed up, and I feel like I can’t breathe. I’m vaguely aware of someone getting rid of all the students and touching my shoulder. I fall to the ground, and lean against the wall, my breathing not calming down. I think I’m crying because everything is blurry, and I cannot see anything.

A figure kneels in front of me and puts their hands on my knees. I try to focus on them as I think I can hear them trying to talk to me, but I do not hear the words coming out. Someone grabs my hand and puts it on their chest. I feel their lungs moving in a steady rhythm. I focus on that and try to copy it, realizing that my breathing needed to get under control.

“Oh thank god.” I hear someone whisper.

“MJ?” I ask, still confused about what happened.

“Yeah.” I nod and look around, starting to actually see again. I feel MJ wipe the tears off my face and I look at her.

“Thanks.”

“Do you want to stand up?” I nod and slide up the wall using my legs. I lean there for a second, MJ not leaving from in front of me. She looks at me, looking up and down.

“I’m okay” I whisper, not believing it for a second. She shakes her head and wraps her arms around me.

“Mr. Parker.” I look over to see principal Morita. “Let’s go to my office please. Ms. Jones, you can head to class.” I look at MJ with panicked eyes.

“With all due respect sir, I’ll stay with Peter.”

“I cannot allow you to skip class.”

“If she is going to class then so am I”

“Mr. Parker, you need to go to my office. I have called your guardians. They should be here soon.”

“I’ll go if MJ comes with me.” He just looks at me and sighs.

“Fine.” We follow him to the office, and he sits us in his office before leaving us alone.

MJ holds my hold in her lap, making lazy circles on my arm. It relaxes me, the constant motion. I close my eyes and rest my head on her shoulder.

“Are you sleeping?”

“No.”

“You should. You must be exhausted after that panic attack.”

“I didn’t have a panic attack.”

“Peter, you weren’t breathing. You couldn’t hear me or see me. That’s a pretty bad panic attack. I mean it is understandable too.” I sit there in silence, letting her words process. Panic attack. I mean, what else would it have been?

My thoughts are interrupted by the door opening. I hear three sets of feet, meaning Ben and May are here.

“Please take a seat Mr. and Mrs. Parker. I lift my head off of MJ’s shoulder, but keep our hands interlocked. I can’t look at them. I know I have hurt them with my actions and I cannot look at their faces.

“Okay, are you going to tell us why we are here?” Ben asked.

“And not to be rude, but why is Michelle here? If she is involved, her parents should be here as well.” May interjected before Morita could start.

“Michelle, it would be best if you left now, you see Peter has his family with him, so you can go to class.” Principal Morita excused. MJ just looks at me and I look back in panic. I cannot do this alone.

“Peter wants me here. That’s why I’m staying.”

“Michelle, this is clearly a family issue. I haven’t been told anything yet, but I think its best if you leave.” May cut in.

“Let her stay please” I mumble. Everyone is silent for a second.

“Fine. Michelle stays. But can you tell me what happened?” May huffed. I love May, but she can get pretty aggressive when things don’t go how she planned it. And she just took that out on MJ. And I didn’t like that.

“So, I’ll just get right into it. This is a serious issue, and we have no idea who did it. I took photos so we wouldn’t have to walk through the hallways, but someone at lunch wrote this on Peter’s locker.” He pulls out he phone and gives it to May and Ben. “At this point we do not know who did it, and the janitor is currently painting over his locker. I would also like to say that the counsellor would like to get involved, as she thinks Peter could benefit from her guidance. I cannot bring her in until you give permission though. So, if you could-” Morita is cut off by Ben.

“Can you slow down for a second. Do we even know if this is true?”

“Peter, show me your arms” May whispers, looking on the verge of crying. I shake my head.

“Peter, bud, come on.” Ben pleaded, also looking at me sadly.

“No” I whisper. They are not allowed to see. I have the fresh ones from this morning. All the other scars are there, they’ll see everything. I cannot allow them. The hand not in MJ’s is suddenly being held by May and about to pull my sleeve up. I let go of MJ and hold the sleeve down. I pull away from May, standing up and going to the other side of MJ. She makes me feel safe.

“God damn it Peter! We know you have been acting weird recently! Is this why? Sweetie, please just let us help” May yelled and I flinched back.

“No.”

“Peter, show us the arms. Your actions are telling us that these accusations are true. So just let us see.” Ben tried bargaining with reason.

“No”

“Peter” I look at MJ. She stands up and guides me back to my chair. “You need to show them. Nothing bad will happen.” I look at her and nod slowly. I look at my arms but can’t seem to show them. MJ being the amazing person she is, seemed to know this. She gently pulled up one sleeve, then the other. I hear the intakes of breath from the adults. I close my eyes, not being able to look at their faces.

“Peter…” May gasps.

“How long?” Ben chokes on the words. I take a deep breath. Silence won’t save me now.

“Almost a year? Just over maybe?” I whisper, still not looking at anyone. I pull my sleeves down, seeing as they have all seen them.

“Do you know who wrote that on the locker?” Ben asked. He was always the reasonable one.

“Uh,” I pause. I do know who it was, it could only be Flash, but what’s the point in getting him in trouble? His parents donate a lot of money to the school, nothing will happen. Then, Flash will be worse about it. “No, I have no idea”

“Are you sure Peter? We would like to sit down and talk to the person that did this. It is inappropriate.” Morita explained.

“No idea.” I mumble again.

“Are you kidding me Peter?” I look over at MJ who is looking at me incredulously. “We both know who it was. There are only three people in this school that know about this. Me, Ned, who was with us all of lunch, and the guy who striped you of your clothes then tied you to a tree last year. Or maybe you’d prefer the guy who shoves you into a locker on a daily basis. Or the kid you takes your money and food. Or the kid that makes fun of you for not having parents.” MJ raises her voice.

“Is this true Peter? Someone is doing all of this to you?” May asked.

“Michelle, who is it?” Morita inquired. I look at her and shake my head, pleading with my eyes to not tell. “We will deal with the person and any future attacks can be prevented.”

“Michelle please say it” Ben asked.

“Peter, when I found out about all of this, I was worried, and I wanted to tell an adult. But you pleaded with me not to. So I didn’t, because I’d prefer you have at least me on your side than no one. And now they know. But the main factor in your self harm is your bully. So, I know you don’t want me to tell, but I have to. To protect you.” I shake my head furiously at her, but she turns to the principal. “It’s Eugene Thompson.”

“Eugene Thompson?” Morita clarified and I shrunk in my seat. I trusted MJ. I trusted her not to tell. I trusted her and Ned to never tell a soul about anything. If she is telling this secret, what’s stopping her from telling them I’m a freak. That Oscorp’s gamma mutated spider bit me and mutated me. “I’ll be talking to him and his parents after this. Thank you Michelle.”

“Is Peter in trouble for anything? Or can we leave? We have a lot to talk about.” Ben stood up.

“Well, I would like Peter to set up daily meetings with the counsellor. It could help. I know that this can be hard-”

“No. I will not be doing that.” I look up at everyone and stand up. “And I’m leaving. I do not want to be here anymore.” I head out the door, slamming it behind me, not listening to the protests.

I go to my locker, and see the janitor there painting it. I quickly grab my bag and head for the front entrance. I hear quick footsteps behind me, so I turn around and see MJ running to me. She stops a few steps in front of me and takes a deep breathe.

“I had to tell them Peter.”

“I didn’t want you to.”

“I know, and I’m so sorry. But Flash needs to get in trouble for everything. He is the reason you started cutting! You said as much! And I know you hate doing what you do, but every time you slip up it has been related to him! So of course I was going to say something! I was protecting you!” Her voice getting louder and closer to sobs with each sentence.

“I thought I could trust you Michelle.” And she flinches backwards. Tears start to form in her eyes as she stares at me for a second.

“Peter… you can trust me. I just want to keep you safe from this world that seems to want to drag you down.”

“No I can’t. It turns out that I’m as alone in this world as I thought.” I scoff and turn around, walking through the doors.

I listen and I do hear May and Ben, thanking Michelle for being there for me and that I’ll come around. I’m just upset. So I guess they heard what we said to each other. I see Ben’s car and stand by it, not wanting to stress them out anymore by running away. Which is something I really want to do right now. Just run from all my problems. They seem to keep building up on top of each other, and now my life is just one wrong decision away from completely falling apart. And I can’t take it anymore.

“She did the right thing Peter. You know that right?” I look up at Ben.

“She betrayed my trust is what she did.” I muttered, getting into the now unlocked car. We drove in silence, with the odd sniffle from May.

When we got home, I headed to my room.

“Peter, in here please.” Ben called. I sighed and turned around, looking at them. “We need to talk about this.”

“What is there to talk about. Michelle already told you everything.”

“No she didn’t. She said who your bully was. And a few incidents. That’s it.”

“Well that’s all of them.” I mutter.

“I saw your arms Peter. They have so many scars on them. There is no way it was all from the handful of incidents.”

“WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY!” I burst out. “THAT I HATE MY LIFE BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE HAS PARENTS AND I DON’T? OR THAT EVERYONE HAS MORE MONEY AND HAS BEEN OUTSIDE OF NEW YORK. OR PERHAPS ITS BECAUSE I’M ABNORMALLY SMART, SO KIDS DON’T LIKE ME AND I DON’T HAVE FRIENDS!” I screamed at them, everything coming out. They look at each other, not really knowing what to do.

“I’m sorry you feel that way Peter, because your Aunt May and I work really hard to be able to put food on the table for you. And make sure you can go to Midtown so that you are academically challenged.” I look down, ashamed that I lashed out.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m picked on for everything. I don’t like who I am. That’s why I do this.” I gesture to my arms. “I stopped all summer. Then something was said yesterday and I broke. I hate going to school. I hate everything. I’m not happy. I’m not usually angry either. I just am. I feel like I’m never in the moment.”

“Why didn’t you tell us sweetie?” May whispered.

“Because I know how hard you guys work. And, I didn’t want to lose my freedom.”

“Well, I think we will be setting some rules.” Ben replied.

“Like what?”

“First off, I want the blade you’ve been using.” I gape at him. “Don’t look at me like that. You really think I’m just going to let you hurt yourself? We are here for you. And that means preventing you from harming yourself. Another thing, we are going to start with daily family sessions. We both won’t always be able to be there, but everyday you will tell us how your day was. You will be coming home straight from school. I will see what I can do regarding a therapist. You sound depressed Peter, they can help.” I shuffle my feet a bit.

“So my freedom is gone.” I state.

“It’s for your own good.”

“Sounds like a prison sentence.” I walk to my room, shuffling through my desk looking for the razor. I go back out and put it on the table. “There. And we have had our mandatory session today. So I’m going to bed” I go back to my room and slam the door. I lay on my bed, pulling the covers over me, letting tears flow from my eyes. I look over and see my phone. I grab it and look at the screen.

_5 missed calls from MJ._

_9 texts from MJ._

_11 missed calls from Ned._

_17 texts from Ned._

I delete them all, not even looking at the messages.  


* * *

  
I wake up and it is still dark. My stomach is growling. I look over and see it is two in the morning. I just lay there, ignoring my stomach and hoping that I can fall asleep again. After a solid twenty minutes, I realize that sleep is not possible. I roll out of bed and head into the kitchen, hoping food is all I need.

May put a plate of dinner in the fridge for me, so I just heat that up and eat in silence. I scratch my ears and sigh. Today, well yesterday, was such a disaster. I had been planning on cutting, but Ben took that from me.

I shake my head and rinse my dish off. As I put it in the drying rack, the chipped edge runs along my finger and a little bit of blood seep out. I hesitate and just look at the blood. The razor isn’t the only thing I can use. I look in the cupboard and find a glass cup that no one will realize is missing. I skip past all the ones I’ve gotten May and Ben over the years and grab one of the plain glass ones. I take it into my room and grab a shirt. I wrap it around the cup and put it on the floor. I step on it, hard, and I hear the glass break. I throw out all the little pieces and I am left with four pieces. I only needed one, so this is a win. I hide three of them in random spots, just in case May or Ben decide to come looking.

The last one I take with me into the bathroom. It’s only three in the morning, so no one else will be up for awhile. I take my shirt off, not wanting to get blood on the shirt. Now that everyone knows, I have to be extra careful. I make three large cuts and stand there, letting them do their thing.

I stay there, in a blissful state. Nothing can hurt me. Except myself, but it is in my control. I decide when I hurt and how I hurt. This is better than my real life, so I might as well enjoy it.

I slide down to the ground, close my eyes and relax. By the time my abilities made the bleeding stop, I thought it was time to start getting ready, but it turns out I have just over an hour left. I stand back up and make four cuts this time. I haven’t really tested my limits with this once I had my abilities. Before I could do three max and then wait the next day. But here I am with seven, and still feeling great, not like I’m about to pass out. Maybe this was the reason I got bit, so I had the power to make my suffering more bearable.  


* * *

  
I walk into school, still feeling light and breezy from this morning’s activities. I go to my locker and grab my stuff, preparing for the first class of the day. I realize my mistake when I close it and see MJ standing right there, with Ned. I got here early like I normally do for the meet ups with MJ.

“So, how did May and Ben take it?” Ned asked. I just look at both of them for a second.

“Why do you guys care. You’re off the hook. You don’t need to be my people anymore. Everyone knows about it.” I hissed, still angry.

“Flash got suspended for a week. So he will be back next Wednesday” MJ whispered and I just look at her a second.

“And you think that’s makes it okay? But I can’t wait to see what happens next Wednesday when Flash is back. It’s going to be worse than before. But whatever. I don’t care anymore. I’m done caring about anything. I’m done caring about anyone. All that happens is I get hurt in the end. You know what? I’m in control now. I will decide when I feel pain. Nothing matters to me anymore.” I walk up to my next class, feeling exhausted.

I see Michelle enter the class, and she sits where she always does. Beside me.

“Just because you’re mad, I’m not going to let yourself get more hurt. I’m still here Peter.” She puts her hand on my arm and I pull it away. Her head snaps and looks me in the eyes, then down to my arm. “Show me. Don’t even bother trying to deny it” I shake my head and cross my arms over my chest. “I’ve never judged you before, I’m not going to start now.” She grabbed my wrist and elbow, pulling my arm to her. She starts pulling up the sleeve and I sigh. No point in denying something she already seems to know. She sees the total of seven new cuts. She puts me arm back down and looks back at me.

“I’m sorry I made you do this.” She whispered.

“It’s not like that.”

“Then tell me.” I shake my head. “Please.” Honestly, I think I would do anything for her if she asked.

“Ben has rules now. I feel like I’m living in a prison. They took the razor away. The only thing that brought me comfort. I’m being forced to talk everyday to both them and a therapist when they find one. I have to be home right away after school.”

“I’m sorry Peter.” I shake my head at her. “Out of curiosity. If Ben took the razor, then how...?” She trailed off and looked at my arm.

“Not sure I can trust you not to tell.” I mutter. I cannot have this taken away.

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry for being rude yesterday. But it hurt me. And broke my trust.” I look at her. “You made your choice yesterday and I’ve made mine. We can be friends, but you are not going to be the person I confide in anymore.” Tears form in her eyes, and slowly pour over.

“Peter, please, I’m sorry”

“I know.”

“I did it in your best interest”

“I know. But do I look like someone who has their best interests at heart? All I needed was someone who protected me the way I wanted to be protected. Not how they thought it should be done.”  


* * *

  
On Wednesday I walk into school, actually nervous of Flash. He has never been one to hold back. He does what he wants, when he wants to. It’s for the same reason he wasn’t expelled; His parents are rich and throw money at all their problems.

My morning classes went by as usual, nothing out of the ordinary happening. MJ and Ned will talk to me, and while I add to the conversations, it is nothing like it used to be. We do not talk about my personal life. I made it out of bounds. MJ has continued to apologize to me, but I cannot see past her betrayal.

Ben and May have taken this whole thing seriously, and I get that. But they are overlooking one thing; my arms. They have not asked to see them, believing that I have stopped with them taking away the razor. And yet I’ve been cutting about eight times a day. Four in the morning, four at night. My arms are littered with new scars. 

They are healing faster now, so the ones from the beginning of last week are pretty much gone now.

The thing about May and Ben is that they will not leave me alone anymore. Unless I’m doing homework, they will force me to watch TV with them, or go to the store, or play board games. It is annoying. I’m barely sleeping right now, my brain not turning off. Everything is on my mind, from MJ, to Flash, to my stupid mistakes that I keep making, and yet cannot seem to stop.

By the end of the day, I had seen Flash a total of three times. The first two were in classes we had. The third time was right now. After school. In the parking lot. I had cut through it to get home faster, and he tripped me. I didn’t even see him until then.

“Penis Parker you think you can just rat me out? Huh? I got in trouble! Suspended! This is your fault. You were supposed to keep your trap shut! My parents have made me go see the counsellor. They think I need help, whatever that means. And all of this is because of you? You aren’t special Parker. No one wants you! People would rather die than be your friend! I mean look at your parents” He scoffed, and I could feel the certain sting behind my eye. Knowing I’m about to cry, and I do not want everyone to see, I stand up.

“Just leave me alone” I mean, it wasn’t even me, but I wasn’t going to out MJ. I start walking away when I hear Flash call out to me.

“You can’t even stand up for yourself! How pathetic. What are you going to do, go home and kill yourself?” He laughed and I walked, well more like ran, home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, feel free to bug me on [tumblr](https://serious-problems.tumblr.com/)


	4. Just Know You're Not Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So, good news, I have finished 2 more chapters, meaning I have chapter 8 complete. Bad news, Tony still isn't in it and probably won't be until chapter 9 or maybe 10😬   
> And while I am giving bad news, well I'm sorry about this chapter but y'all knew it was coming. Sorry not sorry!
> 
> Enjoy!!💖💛💙

I slam the door to the apartment and go directly to my room. I throw myself on the bed and just lay there for a bit.

“Sweetie, are you okay? I was giving you some time to come talk to me, but…” May trailed off.

“Fine. Just hate school.”

“Is that boy bothering you again?”

“Doesn’t matter”

“I think it does. Peter you need to protect yourself. And that means saying something to an adult so we can help you. You aren’t alone.” I feel the bed dip down as she sits.

“I’m fine.” She nods slowly.

“I don’t think you are.” She looks down at my arms.

“What, uh, what are you talking about?”

“I’m not stupid Peter. I know you’ve been cutting. Not sure how, but I know. I think we should tell Ben tonight. I wanted to talk to you about it first. See if things were still happening at school.”

“Just, what MJ did hurt. And this mandatory stuff is killing me. My freedom is gone, so of course I’ll do whatever I can to get some semblance of it.”

“I’m sorry baby. How about we talk to Ben. Make things easier. I still do not want to condone cutting, but you are going through serious mental health issues. Maybe this tactic wasn’t the greatest and I’m sorry.” She took a deep breath. “Now, and only if you want to tell me, what made you react like that today?” I look down and hesitate. She is giving me some freedom; I should tell her. This isn’t forced, I have a choice to talk.

“Flash tripped me after school, which is fine. Then he got mad for ratting him out, I didn’t tell him it wasn’t me. Then he said people would rather die than spend time with me, hence my parents. I went to walk away, then he made a comment about me running off to go kill myself.”

“Peter, you need to report him!” I just look at her. “Only if you want” And she pulls me into a hug. “Okay, I’m going to make dinner, do you want to help?”

“Uh, no I’m going to have a shower. I got dirt in my hair when I fell.” Well that was only a half truth.

“Okay sweetie.” She gets up and stops at the doorway. “Just be careful. Don’t let Flash get to you. Ben loves you, I love you, so does Ned. And MJ does too. It shows in our actions, even if you don’t approve of them.” She smiles and walks off to the kitchen.

I head into the bathroom and have a shower. Before I even think about washing my hair, I start cutting. One for the frustration of being in the position I am. Another for making MJ feel bad, even though she did the right thing. Another for putting Ben and May through this. And one last one to try and rid myself of my thoughts.

I get out after finishing washing myself and head back into my room. I decide to clean up a bit, by picking up my clothes and bring the few cups I have in my room to the kitchen. As I walk in, Ben and May are talking in harsh whispers.

“Oh, uh sorry, was just wanting to put these away” I mumble and place them on the counter before I slowly walk backwards.

“No Peter, you can stay here.” I stop and look up with wide eyes.

“Ben, I told you not to!” May hissed.

“May, Peter is hurting himself and you knew about it. You let him. This cannot be tolerated. We have to help him be better, not help him try to kill himself.” Ben raised his voice a little.

“He needs help, just not the help we can give him!”

“Peter, where is it? I want the new blade you are using. I also want to see your arms.” Ben walked over to me. I would never say that Ben scared me, he was always the kind and nurturing type, but he is stubborn. And once he got something in his head, he would do whatever it takes to do that task.

“No, Uncle Ben. You always say I need to stand up for yourself. Well this is me doing that.”

“Peter, your father had a principle. If you had the power to stop something from happening, and you don’t, then it’s on you. So I am not going to idle by while you cut up your arms!”

“Why isn’t he here then?” I whisper.

“What was that?”

“Why isn’t my father here to tell me that! Why is it you? You are my uncle, not my father! He should’ve been here to tell me this! Not you! I just want my parents!” I yelled. I put my shoes on and left the apartment. I ran all the way down the stairs, ignoring the both of them calling my name.  


* * *

  
I find myself sitting on top of a streetlight, in the dark. I sit there enjoying the breeze around me, nothing and no one judging me. I could hear sirens a few blocks away, a couple fighting in one of the apartments near by and of course the New York traffic. What I didn’t hear Ben and May fighting about me. Or Ben getting angry at me.

After a while I climb down, and head to a nearby corner store. I didn’t eat dinner, but I know I don’t have enough money for food, so maybe a drink of some sort will be enough.

I walk into the empty store, grab a chocolate milk and head to the cashier. Turns out I’m two cents short, and the cashier doesn’t allow me to be that two cents short. I huff out of frustration and move along so the guy behind me can buy his things. I go back to the cooler and try to find something that is cheaper.

“Give me all the money in the till!” My head shoots up and I look behind me to see the guy hold a gun up to the cashier. He takes all the money out of the till and runs. I put the drink back and go outside while the cashier calls the police.

“Somebody stop him!”

As the cashier says that someone looks up and it’s Ben. My eyes widen as he accidentally bumps into the robber and the gun is dropped between them. They both look at it, but the robber is faster and gets the gun a fraction of a second first. Then it goes off.  
My world seems to slow down as I see the robber run, and Ben fall to the ground. I run across the street, over to Ben.

“Ben? Uncle Ben?” I whisper and move his head to rest on my leg. I put my hands on the wound that is looking like it is losing blood too fast.

“Peter,” I look up at him.

“Uncle Ben it’s alright, the ambulance will be here soon. They will patch you up.” I cry out.

“I love you” He struggles to speak, a little bit of blood coming out of his mouth.

“I-I-I love you too Ben. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said earlier. You are the closest thing to a father I’ve ever had.”

“It’s alright Peter.” The words coming out with long pauses between them.

“No it’s not, I’m so sorry” I whisper.

“Tell May I love her. Take care of the both of you,” He whispers, eyes closing. I can hear the lack of heart beats and I start crying, hugging him close to me.

“Ben, please don’t go. I need you. May needs you. We both need you. Stay please stay.” I feel someone try to help me up but I stay there, holding his body, crying. This is my fault. If I hadn’t left like I did. If I had used the abilities to stop the guy. If I had killed myself like everyone seems to want me to, this never would have happened.

“Kid, he’s gone, we need to take him out of here. Get you checked out.” I shake my head. “Come on kid, who’s your guardian, we need to call them.” They lift me up, someone else putting Ben in the back of an ambulance. The guy puts a coat around me. I look up at them, realizing it is a police officer. “How did you know him?”

“He’s, uh, he’s my guardian. One of them at least.” I whisper, still feeling tears going down my cheek.

“I’m sorry.” We stand in silence for a moment. “Can you tell me your name. And his?”

“Peter Parker. That was Ben Parker. He was a police officer.” I sob, not being able to hold it in.

“Come on, let’s get you to the precinct, and we will call your guardian.”  


* * *

  
May spots me and wraps me in her arms and turns to the nearest police officer.

“What happened?”

“Ma’am you might want to sit down.”

“Just tell me.” The officer hesitates but nods, letting out a sigh.

“Your husband, Ben, passed away this evening. It was a robbery gone wrong, and he was shot trying to stop him. He passed away in Peter’s arms.” The officer put a hand on her shoulder, and I hear May start to sob. I turn her around, still hugging me, and I let her sit in the chair. She sobs for a long time. Time seeming to pass in a blur, and yet I still feel like it isn’t moving.

An officer drove us home in silence, walking us to our door. I go to my room and take out the paper from my sleeve. I had taken one of the wanted posters. The police know who it is, just can never find him. He has a tattoo of a black star on his left wrist. I don’t even know why I took it. I have no need for it. I toss it on my desk and sit on my bed.

I look down at myself and realize I still have Ben’s blood all over me. I grab clean clothes and go into the shower to scrub it all off. As soon as the water is no longer running red, I make it do so again, just not with Ben’s this time.

By the time I’m done, I’m lightheaded and tired. I slowly get dressed and head back to my room.

“Peter?” May whispers, breathing uneven. I look up and I see the dried tears on her face. The sight of her brings all the images of Ben dying in my arms, making me start sobbing again. I feel her arms tight around and she gently moves me to lay down.

We lay there together, on my bed, and I hear May’s breaths start to even out. Knowing that she is sleeping, I can close my eyes and hope that today has just been a bad dream.  


* * *

  
I wake up and May is still beside me, holding me tight. I see the time and realize I’m late for school; it started an hour ago. I can’t reach my phone, and quite honestly, I just want to ignore everyone. I get out from May’s arms and grab some clothes and head for the shower.

I cut until I’m dizzy and fall over in the shower.

“Peter, are you okay in there?” I hear May’s soft voice call out. I sit in the shower and respond.

“Yep, just fell.” I sit until my world is spinning, getting out immediately after.

I get dressed and bandage my arms, so May doesn’t see them. They are really bad, which is the opposite of what Ben wanted. Uncle Ben. Uncle Ben who is now dead, because of me. And died in my arms.

I go into the kitchen and see May trying to make pancakes. That was Ben’s job. We don’t acknowledge this out loud though. I let her give me slightly burnt pancakes and we eat in silence. Except I’m not hungry, so I just push the pancakes around my plate.

A bit of syrup splatters on my hand and it felt so heavy, so warm, and I suddenly felt sick. Last night when all of Ben’s warm, gooey, thick blood all over my hands is suddenly in my mind like it’s happening again. I feel the bile rise in my throat and I dash into the bathroom and throw up any food that is left in my stomach.

Tears running down my face, bile dripping down my chin, I lean against the tub just feeling done. I see May with a cloth, and she crouches in front of me. She wipes the bile off my face and puts the cloth in the sink before she wraps her arms around me.  
“I know baby, it hurts. But I got you.” She whispered as I cry into her. She rubs my back and gently rocks us back and forth, slowly calming me down.

I don’t know how much later, but she slowly stands up and helps me up as well.

“I know you don’t want to, but you need to eat sweetie.” I shake my head, I cannot eat right now, I still feel like throwing up. “You need to. Even just crackers. Here come on.” She gently pushes me to the couch, so I get comfortable and curl up with the blanket that is on the couch. May comes back with a box of crackers and hands them to me.

“Eat these, and we can watch whatever you want” She smiles gently.

“Whatever you want is okay May.” I mumble, taking the crackers from her and nibbling on them. She turns on Star Wars: A New Hope, which I know she doesn’t really like. I look at her and she is looking at me with a smile. I turn my attention to the movie and before Obi-Wan and Luke get on Solo’s ship, I’m asleep.  


* * *

  
The entire day was spent with May and I cuddled on the couch, either sleeping, watching a movie or crying. It was hard. Ben was both of our rocks. He was always there to comfort us, make sure we were all okay and dealt with any problems. He was my hero. And his last memory of me will be of me yelling at him. It wasn’t fair. I was just upset. And I needed him to understand why I did the stuff I do.

For dinner, May didn’t even bother cooking and instead grabbed some Chinese take out. We ate in silence and I barely ate anything. My stomach was hurting so I ate as much as I could but gave up when I started feeling like throwing up again. I know I should be eating more, especially now that after weeks of practice, I think my metabolism is faster. So I should eat more than usual. And here I am barely eating, hence the pain in my stomach. But that pain is nothing compared to the pain in my heart.

Just After nine, I decide to go to bed, just wanting this day to end.

I look around and realize I’m in a corner store. The corner store I was at when Ben died. I look around and see that the same cashier is there and the man that killed Ben was robbing the store. The event unfolds as it did before and Ben is dying in my arms.  
“Ben, I love you, May loves you. You just have to hang on.” I cry.

“Peter, with great power, comes great responsibility.” My brows furrow.

“What? Uncle Ben no, don’t go please I need you! I’ll be better. I’ll be better I promise!” I bargain.

“You have the power to stop him. You have abilities. Use your power to stop him” And his eyes close and I scream out in pain.

“Peter, baby, you need to wake up, it was just a dream” I feel a hand card through my hair, calming me down. “Peter, sweetie, please, wake up.” I start feeling the world enter all my senses. The noise, lights, scents, everything. Then I pick up on May sitting beside me, trying to wake me up.

“May?” I mumble.

“Yeah baby. I’m here. It was just a dream.” I feel myself relax into her touch. “Do you want to go to school today?”  
“Do I have to?”

“No, I just want you to know the option is available.”

“I want to stay here.” I sniff, trying to get my tears to stop.

“It’s okay honey. Let them all out. I got you.” May’s arms go around me, lifting me up into her. I sit in her arms as she rocks me back and forth while I cry. “Sweetie you are too small. And you look so tired and fragile. You need to take better care of yourself. And I’m sorry that I let you do the things you did, but I see you like this and I have to stop it.” I look up at her tear stained face.

“I’m fine May.” I protest.

“No you aren’t. You need to start eating meals Peter. Full meals. And I know that sucks right now, but it’s happening. We will start with that and work our way to the other things. Okay?” I nod slowly. “Good. Ben wouldn’t want us to not take care of ourselves.” I sniff a little.

“I’m going to have a shower. I feel gross.” I mumble, sitting up.

“Peter…”

“I can’t just stop”

“Just, just be careful. I don’t need to lose anyone else.” I look down and rub my head.

“You won’t” She nods slowly and heads out of my room, leaving me be. I grab a shard of glass and head to the bathroom.

I do my normal routine and maybe indulge in a few extra cuts. Only stopping because I couldn’t see straight. I wrap them up normally and take a quick peak at the ones from yesterday. My brows furrow at the sight; they look almost just as new as the ones I just made. And typically, with my healing ability, they should be more healed than that. They should look a lot less raw and red and swollen.

I cover them up and head out to the kitchen where May is making eggs.

“Nothing fancy sweetie, just an omelette with ham.” She hands me a plate with food and I take it to the table. I eat it slowly, my thoughts going to my arms. Where is my healing ability? Why isn’t it working? Did my not saving Ben take away my powers?

“Sweetie, I’m going to the store in a few minutes. Do you need anything?” My head snaps up and I’m in front of her before my mind is catching up to what my body is doing. “What’s wrong?” She runs a hand through my hair, her comfort gesture.

“You can’t go.”

“What? If you want to go with me, that’s fine. But we need food.” I shake my head.

“I don’t want to go, but you can’t go. There are people out there May that want to hurt others. They have guns and knives and I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“Peter, I know that this whole thing has scared you, but it’s the morning. It’s light out. Nothing bad is going to happen.” She pulled me in for a hug. I feel the tears in my eyes and slowly fall down my face.

“Please don’t go May.” I sniff. She pulls apart and looks at me for a few moments before nodding.

“Okay, I won’t. I’ll see if someone else can pick them up for us.” I nod slowly. “Now what do you say we have a movieathon?”

“Actually, I just want to be alone.” I mumble, not feeling the desire to be around anyone right now. I go to my room, not hearing what May said, if anything. I crawl into bed and stare at the wall, wondering why my life is like this.  


* * *

  
**MJPOV**

“Ned it has been two days! He hasn’t shown up. Something is definitely wrong.” I turn to Ned who is busy eating his lunch.

“He could be sick”

“But we have both texted him and called him. No answers to any of them” I continue.

“Maybe you just miss your boyfriend” He laughed.

“Ned! I’m being serious here. We have to go see him. After school.” I insist. Ned huffs but nods. “Good. And for the record, we aren’t dating.”

“Could have fooled me with the amount of affection you shower him in. And the fact that he lets you. He allows our handshake and that’s pretty much it. You can pull him in for a hug and his arms go right around you.”

“Ned that’s not-” I protest.

“And you guys constantly hold hands. Face it MJ, you guys are essentially dating, you guys just haven’t admitted it to each other yet.”

“Okay fine, I like him. I have since I first moved here. Is that what you want to hear?” I hiss, making sure no one around us can hear my words.

“I wasn’t actually expecting you to answer. But I’m glad I’m right. Although, I guess that makes me a third wheel in this friend group now.”

“No, Peter and I aren’t dating. I think that is the last thing he needs in his life. I can be his friend for now. And even if we were dating, Ned, you aren’t a third wheel. We are just a group of friends hanging out” I pat his shoulder with a smile.

“Thanks MJ for saying that. Doesn’t make it true though.” I roll my eyes at him.

After lunch, we went to the rest of our classes, Ned seeming to be fine sitting in class. I, on the other hand, am a jittery mess. Peter not leaving my thoughts and how he hasn’t texted or anything since Wednesday after school. And the past few weeks he answers me less and less, but nothing for two days is odd.

The final bell rings and I rush out to the front of the school and meet up with Ned.

“Are we going to Peter’s right away?”

“Yeah, I can’t wait any longer.” He nods and we both start walking in the direction of Peter’s house. A minivan pulls up beside us and we look over to see Ned’s mom.

“Come on kids, we are going to the Parker’s, May said she needed groceries. Something about Peter not wanting her to leave.” She smiles at us. We both get in the backseat, happy we don’t have to walk.

“Why won’t Peter let May go to the store?” Ned asked.

“Or why doesn’t Ben go at the end of his shift?” I add. “Peter hasn’t been at school, do you know if he is sick?” I ask, just needing to know he is okay.

“I’m not sure Michelle. I assume so. May didn’t sound great either.” I nod and look out the window. Her answer didn’t reassure me of anything.

We pull up to the house and I quickly get out and push the buzzer for their apartment. We get let in, and climb up the seven flights of stairs. I knock on the door and May answers it. My brows furrow as I take her appearance in. Red eyes, disheveled hair and obvious tear stains.

“May, are you okay?” Ned’s mom asks before I can. She shakes her head and tears start forming. She ushers us in, and I head towards Peter’s room.

“Wait Michelle. I, uh, should tell you something before you go in there” she whispers, struggling to speak over her sobs. My thoughts immediately go to Peter and anything bad that could’ve happened. “On Wednesday night, Peter and Ben got into a fight and Peter ran off.” My eyes go wide. Peter ran away? I feel my own tears start to form. “Ben went out to look for him. Hours later the police station called. There was an accident. Ben was shot, and he didn’t make it” Her sobs go louder, but she tries to muffle them. I feel my tears pool over and I see both Ned’s and his mom’s.

“I’m so sorry May, that is horrible.” Mrs. Leeds whispers, grabbing May’s hand in hers.

“It’s not even the worst part. Peter watched it happen. Ben died in Peter’s arms. And now he won’t let me leave the house. He isn’t eating, and if he does, he throws up after. He’s not sleeping very well and when he does, he has nightmares. I’m pretty sure he is cutting a lot more than normal to cope with this. And today he just hasn’t left his room. I’m worried about him and he isn’t letting me help” She sobs. Before anymore can be said I’m up and going to Peter’s room.

I walk in slowly, the light is off and the blinds are closed, leaving the room dark, minus the few streams of light that are coming through. I see Peter on the bottom bunk of his bed, curled up under his blankets facing the wall so I can’t see his face. I walk up behind him slowly and put my hand on his side.

“Are you sleeping?” I whisper quietly, hoping that if he is, I don’t wake him. I see him shake his head. “Can I hug you?” I ask and he shrugs. Without anymore prompting I lay down behind him and wrap my arms tightly around his chest, forming an x. And just like that, he breaks. He sobs, head going towards his chest and ending up curled in my hands.

“I’m sorry MJ” He cries. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Hey Peter, it’s okay. Everything will be fine. Eventually.” I whisper in his ear, trying to sooth him. I hear someone come in and close the door and I look over to see Ned. I motion for him to go on the other side of Peter. He climbs over us and lays down on his back, right in front of Peter.

“I’m sorry dude.” He whispers. Peter shakes his head, and rests it on Ned, one of his arms going around him. Peter’s other arm grabs on tightly to mine.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry” Peter continues to mumble, and I look at Ned confused as to what to do. He shrugs but continues to slowly run a hand through Peter’s hair, to comfort him. We all lay there for a while, and Peter eventually calms down. His breathing is even, slowed, and the occasional sniff.

“I’m sorry” He whispers.

“Peter, you have nothing to be sorry for.” I hug him tighter for a second, so he knows I mean it.

“Yes I do.” He huffs quietly. “I’ve been a horrible friend the past few weeks. You guys were trying to protect me. I get that now. I’m sorry for making you feel like a shitty friend.”

“Dude, we get it. You are going through a rough time. Even more so now. But thanks for apologizing.” Ned cracks a small smile.

“Yeah Peter. We understand. The world is throwing so many things at you at once. You were bound to snap. But I appreciate the apology.” I rest my head into his back, smiling at the fact that this is the Peter I know. This is the Peter I like. The smart one. The kind one. The caring one.


	5. Cause I'm Gonna Make This Place Your Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope everyone has had some fun over the past little bit!  
> Enjoy the chapter!💖💛💙

I wake up with a jolt. My surroundings slowly enter my senses making me aware I’m in my room. A nightmare. The fifth one in a row; Everyday since Ben.

I wipe my tears off my face and look at the time: Six in the morning. Over the weekend, most of it I spent in my room with MJ and Ned while May ran errands. That was hard. I was scared the entire time that someone was going to hurt her, but Mrs. Leeds went with her, which only made me feel a little better about the situation.

Then there was yesterday. That was difficult. Watching everyone gather in uniforms, the guns going off. Ben’s funeral was hard by itself, without adding all of the special things the police department does for a fallen officer. May and I were crying the entire time.  
The officer that was on the scene was there, and I asked him if they caught the guy, but they haven’t. That mad me angry, I had the chance to stop him, but I didn’t.

These nightmares are the same. Ben telling me that I can stop the guy, then dies in my arms. The worst part is that he is right. I do have the ability to stop the guy.

A knock on my door distracts me from my thoughts.

“Yeah?” I call out.

“Are you going to school today? I have a shift at the hospital.” May opens the door and smiles at me a little. It feels like a bucket of cold water being dumped on me. She’s going back to work already?

“But May, Ben just… and now you’re going back to work already? Can’t they give you more time?” I whispered.

“They did offer me more time sweetie. But unpaid. And we can’t afford that. I’m sorry, I wish I could stay here with you, but it isn’t feasible. And I would feel better knowing you aren’t here alone. So maybe you can go to school?” May sat beside me.

“Do we… Should I get a job?” I ask hesitantly.

“Don’t you worry about it honey. What do you say about school?”

“Yeah, I guess.” She smiles at me.

“Good, now get ready, I can make you eggs or something.” I nod and she closes the door behind her. I get dressed, not caring what I put on. I eat the scrambled eggs that May burned, and I head out, hoping MJ will be there early like she used to be.

She has been the one thing this weekend keeping me sane. I mean, Ned has also helped, but it is different with MJ. She’s different. Aside the past few weeks, she was the first thing I thought about in the morning. And the last thing before bed. Even in the past few weeks with me being mad at her, I still constantly think about her. And now, with Ben gone, I just want to be around her all the time. She is there for me. She knows how to make me feel better. She seems to know what I need before I do.

I walk up to the front of the school and head to my locker. As I close it I see both MJ and Ned standing there, small smiles on their faces. MJ wraps me in a hug then Ned and I do our handshake.

“How is today?” MJ looks at me, making sure I know what she is asking.

“Nine.” I mumble, wiping a few tears away.

“Did you..” Her eyes travel over my arms and I shake my head.

“Not since Friday. I know how much you don’t like it.” I sniff.

“Dude, are you healing yet?” Ned whispers.

“No, it looks normal. How it used to.”

“Because you’re not eating.” MJ huffed. “They have to be directly connected. For science nerds, you guys are kind of dumb. Your body needs energy to do anything. Healing is no different. Two main sources of energy is sleeping and eating. Currently you are doing neither. So of course you aren’t healing. And I get it, but the affects of eating on someone without enhancements can be bad. I can’t imagine what it will do long term to someone like you.” MJ explained, and it made sense.

“I’ve been trying MJ. But I get nightmares every time I close my eyes. I see Ben, laying lifelessly in my arms. And I can’t keep food down right now.” I start crying, knowing that I let everyone down.

“It’s grief Peter. It’s understandable. But you need to do your best to start eating, or I’m not sure what’s going to happen.”  


* * *

  
By Thursday, most of my cuts had healed a significant amount. Just as MJ predicted, the more I ate, the faster I healed. The sleep, well lack of, hasn’t improved, but everyone around me seems to be constantly shoving food in my direction. And because I didn’t want anyone feeling bad or sorry for me, I ate it. And I was able to keep it down, well most of it. The nightmares have persisted. And I think I know why.

As far as I can tell, my abilities have enhanced many things about me. My strength, my speed, and one thing that I have been very aware of the past days have been my ability to know when something is going to happen. It wasn’t something I noticed, but now, walking to and from school, I sense things. It was a tingling feeling on the back of my neck that somehow alerted me of things. It made me miss getting hit by a bike. I had walked off a curb to cross a street then I had felt a jolt that practically screamed stop. I have noticed it with a few other things as well, smaller things, like getting tripped by Flash.

I still have the police sketch of the guy that shot Ben. And I have the abilities to stop him. And Ben always said, with great power comes great responsibility. He has said as much in my dreams. And I think the nightmares will stop if I stop the criminal. If I wander around at night, with my hearing, I can hear crimes a few miles away. And with his picture I can identify who he is, make sure it’s the right guy. I also have to hide myself, make sure no one recognizes me. More so any police that may be on patrol, since Ben’s funeral, they may know who I am. So I just need a ski mask, how cliché, and something I can wear that I don’t mind getting dirty. That’s how I find myself in a local thrift shop, searching through the clothes.

I look for black, that’s typical for people wandering around at night. But I’m not a criminal, so maybe not black. I look through and the only mask is red, and it only has eye holes. I shrug, if I want to do this, I can’t be picky. My budget is left over lunch money from the past few weeks, so about fifteen dollars. I find a red zip up hoodie and a blue track suit. I look at it and decide if the colours of police are the best way to go. I’ll be visible and I will probably get noticed. But I need to do this. I grab a pair of shoes that fit me, even though they have holes all over the tops. But I’m not buying them for comfort, so it doesn’t matter.

Once I get home I see a note on the table, along with a twenty dollar bill.  
 _  
Peter,_

_I called in for a shift, please don’t be mad. I know we were going to hang out tonight, but we will have to do that another night. I left money for food, get whatever you like._

_Xoxo_

_May  
_

As much I want to be mad, I can’t be; I know we need the money. And on the other hand, tonight can be my first night out on the streets looking for this guy.

I ordered a pizza for dinner, eating all of it, preparing for tonight. I have no idea what is going to happen, but I know I want to have lots of energy for anything that may be thrown my way. After putting everything on, I realized it wasn’t horrible.

I have the full blue track suit on, the red hoodie on top. It was a little long, going over my wrists, but it worked. I put the shoes on and pulled the mask over my head. I stood in the mirror and looked at myself. Well I don’t scream danger, and that could work in my advantage. The guy might make me as a weak target, but he won’t know what hit him.

Not wanting to walk through my building like this, I head down the fire escape. I walk through the streets, getting weird looks, but nothing too exciting happening. I don’t see anyone matching the description of the guy I’m looking for. As I’m walking home, I hear a scream. I stop and try to focus where it’s coming from. I run in that direction and I see a guy with long blonde hair trying to rob a woman. And he kind of matched the description. I sneak up behind the guy and tap him on the shoulder. He turns and looks at me.

“What the fuck do you want punk? What the fuck are you dressed as?” He pulls a knife out at me and I hesitate. What if he cuts me?

How’s that any different than what you do to yourself?

With this in mind, I feel confidence in myself.

“What, you like picking on women? Just like how you like picking on older men?” I hiss and shoot my arm out grabbing the knife from him. He looks shocked before trying to grab it back. I through it down the alley and push him against the wall, maybe a little too hard. The lady that he had cornered, ran away. “Moment of truth” I whisper and I pull up his left sleeve. No tattoo. “I guess it’s your lucky day” I push him down to the ground and I take off. I climb back up the fire escape and flop into my bed.

Even though I didn’t do much, that was exhausting.  


* * *

  
The next day, I shoot out of my seat when the bell rings. May reminded me that she had the night shift all weekend, which provided me with a lot of time to go find the criminal. I grab my bag and run out of the school; my mind set on doing one thing. I grab Delmar’s on my way home, that way I don’t have to stop later.

I open my door and get dressed into my criminal seeking clothes. I need a better name for them. I eat the entire sandwich and pull the mask over my head. I jump out the fire escape and head down to the more populated areas that I think I can find my guy in. 

After an hour of walking around and I finally hear something happening. I run towards the sound of a woman struggling.

I stop and look at the scene in front of me, a guy holding a woman at gun point, yelling for her purse. Before I even register what is happening, I’m on the guy in a Flash. I tell the lady to run and I pick up the guy and slam him into the wall, the bricks cracking a bit. His gun long been since thrown somewhere in the alley, he has nothing to protect himself with.

“What the fuck are you?” He trembles.

“Your nightmare.” Are the first words out of my mouth. I pull up the left sleeve, but no star is found. “But, it seems your luck has prevailed.” I push him to the ground and my instincts led me to climb the wall.

This freaked me out a bit, I knew I could stick to stuff, but actually crawling up a wall is different. I ran across roof tops, looking for more criminals so I can identify the one I’m looking for. Doing this was faster, as opposed to not looking to conspicuous on the streets. But the wind hurt my eyes, especially with them being more sensitive now. I stop running, and skid across the roof, stopping just before the ledge.

I let out a breathe and look down. I almost jumped off a roof without another roof to land on. The ones I had just been jumping maybe had six to eight feet between them, but this was four lanes of traffic, plus a sidewalk on both sides. There was no way I’d make it, and even if I could, I wasn’t going to try it without any safety precautions. I jump down the fire escape and stand there for a second, looking back up to the roof.

What if I had something that allowed me to jump that far?

I look over at a lamp, a spider making a place to stay with his webs. I cringe at the sight, spiders are disgusting. Then it clicked. What if I had webs? I was bit by a spider, so, maybe I make myself webs to get around easier. And if I made them correctly, it could be multi purpose. Use them to get around as well as disarm criminals.

The only problem is that I have to make it. And it has to hold my weight. And it has to be pliable. Well, the list could go on. I put that on the back burner, that can wait. My eyes cannot. While walking around, I find a few things I could use to make a pair of glasses. Well more like goggles. Glasses would fall off too easily.

Crawling back into my window, I felt both accomplished and exhausted. I found four criminals, unfortunately, they weren’t the one I was looking for, but the more I find, the closer I get to finding who I want. I also found enough stuff to make the goggles, well at least I think I did. Based on the schematics I have planned in my head, I should. I sit at my desk after changing into normal clothes. I take out paper and start drawing said schematics. The last thing I need is to forget them when I wake up.

At one in the morning, I finally crawl into bed and fall asleep, exhaustion making me fall asleep instantly.  


* * *

  
I woke up feeling refreshed. It was the first night I didn’t have a nightmare since Ben. That gives me hope; That it isn’t always going to be like that. I slowly got up and saw sketches on my desk. I pick them up and remember the goggles, so my eyes don’t burn running roof top to roof top. I flip the page over and I stop. It wasn’t more drawings of the goggles, it was of a suit. A red and blue suit, with web designs all over it. I must have drawn it last night before I passed out. But what do I need this for? I don’t plan on continuing this after I catch the guy.

I walk into the kitchen, stomach already grumbling for food. I hear the steady breathes of May down the hall, she got back from her shift in the early morning, so she won’t be awake for awhile. I throw some bread in the toaster and butter it, practically scarfing it all down. I then eat some cereal, hoping it will quench my hunger. And it does, for now at least.

I go back into my room and start the construction of my goggles. They shouldn’t be too difficult, the only thing I want to focus on is making them dial in my sight. Seeing everything crystal clear is great, but when in the dirty parts of the city, and fighting criminals, it’s distracting. And overwhelming.

Just after noon I hear May get up and go into the kitchen. As I don’t want her to question why I am making goggles, I go out to greet her.

“Hey May”

“Sweetie, I’m sorry I slept in. Did you get food?”

“Yeah I ate. But I’m kinda hungry for lunch.”

“Okay, I’ll make us sandwiches or something. What have you been doing this morning?” She asked.

“Oh nothing, much. Just uh, reading. Homework. Normal stuff” I trail off.

“That’s good. Looks like we don’t have everything for sandwiches. How about grilled cheese?”

“Sounds good. Can I have two?”

“Of course. I’m just glad you are eating again sweetie.” She smiles and ruffles my hair.

After we both ate, May went out to the store, after making sure I was fine with that. With my newfound activity, well I have decided that finding one particular criminal is a hard task. So that also makes me believe that finding one particular target hard to find.  
I continue working on my goggles. They definitely aren’t perfect but, I need to test them before they get to a status even close to that. May leaves for work before dinner after picking up some Thai. I ate my food and by six, I was on the streets looking for my criminal. One thing I have been thinking about is what I’ll do once I find him. And at the moment, revenge is the only thing I can come up with. This guy deserves the same fate that uncle Ben did.

With these thoughts, I was a little rougher with the criminals I found. I punched them harder than necessary, I slammed them into walls and I even threw someone fifteen feet away, into a dumpster. None of them being the one I’m looking for made me slightly more irritable. I didn’t think finding him would be this hard.  


* * *

  
By the end of the second week, I had effectively pushed everyone close to me away. I told MJ and Ned to fuck off, that I didn’t need them breathing down my neck. And May, well May I just have avoided. It wasn’t hard to do, with her working constantly right now.  
Being this person that beat up criminals, it was taking its toll on me. This person wasn’t me. But I had to do this, for Ben. He deserved justice. He deserved for the man that killed him to be killed. But I couldn’t be both Peter Parker, kind, quiet boy as well as this masked man who beat up criminals. I just can’t do it. They are too different for them to be able to co-exist. So, Peter Parker is taking a break, until the guy who killed Ben is caught.

I climb into my window, beyond tired. Today was the first time I got hurt, well beyond a bruise. I think I broke a rib. Well the guy who hit me with a crowbar did. I had been beating up one guy for hurting a girl that had to of been a senior in high school. Then this other guy came out of no where and hit me a few times with a crowbar. It hurt. And sure, I’m no stranger to pain, but this still hurts. Luckily, It’s just the ribs, so I can his the injuries.

I woke up a little late the next morning. I will be able to make it to class, but barely. I rush out and get onto the subway, hoping I’m not late. When things like that happen, MJ usually is calling me and checks me over to make sure I’m okay. And I don’t need that right now.

I get off at my stop and run into class, moments before the bell rings. I feel MJ stare at me before looking back at the front. Throughout the class, I manage to not talk to MJ, and I get to my next one before she can try. Unfortunately, my luck ended during lunch. Both Ned and MJ were waiting for me at my locker.

“Are you going to tell us what is wrong now?” I look at MJ and look down. “Look, I get everything is hard for you with Ben right now, but don’t push us away.” MJ pleaded.

“I’m just” I sigh. “I’m just stressed out. I need time. Please” It’s all I can say. I can’t give myself away, but I don’t want to hurt them more than I already have.

“May called my mom” I look over at Ned.

“Why?”

“She says you are avoiding her and that you are getting quiet again. And the nightmares are getting worse.”

“And you are avoiding us. Which makes me think you are hiding something. So, what is it? Did you cut more this week? Because we would understand. Something like that just doesn’t stop overnight.” MJ grabbed my hand. “Let us help.”

“It’s not that.”

“Then tell us. We haven’t judged you yet. We aren’t going to start now” I look down and quickly think. My options are limited. I can say something harsh, and ruin the friendship forever. Or I can tell them the truth.

“It’s just that,” I pause. “I thought I could do this alone. That I needed time alone then everything would be better” The lie came out of nowhere.

“Dude, you don’t have to.” I nod at him.

“Come here” MJ says and before I can process what she said, I am pulled into a hug. I hiss out in pain and pull away immediately. MJ looks at me, concern written all over her face. “What did I do?” I shake my head and gently lean against the lockers, trying to even my breathes again.

“Do I need to get the nurse?” I shake my head.

“What happened?” MJ whispered.

“I uh,” I hesitate, I guess it’s time to lie again. “I fell down a flight of stairs. Hurt my ribs. No big deal.”

“That seems like a big deal Peter.”

“Guys, honestly, with my healing, I will be fine by tomorrow, or even Sunday.”

“Fine. So lets all hang out tonight. May told Ned’s mom that she is working this weekend. We can sleep over, keep you company.” I think about it. They will insist, especially since May asked them. So I can’t say I have other plans. But missing one night out isn’t an option. But neither is losing my only friends.

“Fine. We can sleep over at mine tonight.”

“Cool. There is a movie I want to see, so we will go to the theatre a few blocks from your house. It’s all cleared with May”

“Awesome! We haven’t been to a movie in a long time. Now please, can we go eat now? I’m hungry” Ned begs.  


* * *

  
“Finally. A movie that addresses the social injustice of high school.” MJ smiles.

“It was pretty good.” Ned comments.

“Yeah, I liked it.” I mumble, looking at the ground. I should be looking for my criminal right now, not watching a cheesy teen comedy at the theatre.

We head back to my apartment, MJ and Ned talking about the movie, letting me just be with my thoughts. MJ and Ned stop randomly, and I look at them confused.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Look.” MJ stared straight ahead. I followed her gaze and saw a guy walking towards us with purpose. I feel a slight tingle at the back of my neck. We are in danger. I look behind us and I see another guy coming towards us.

“Shit okay lets turn down here, I think there’s a path down to another street” I push them in the direction, away from the guys. We turn down the alleyway and I curse. This wasn’t the street I thought it was; it was a dead end. And we are stuck.

The two guys slowly walk down the alley, calling out words to scare us. It might be working for MJ and Ned, but not me. I’ve been around this for two weeks; it doesn’t scare me. And neither do the knives that they are both holding.

They stop about two meters from us, and stare us down before talking.

“You kids can save yourselves the pain if you just hand over your wallets, as well as anything else that is valuable.” The bigger one says. I hear Ned and MJ fumbling around, but I just stare at the two dudes.

“Peter” Ned hisses.

“I think you guys should walk away, before you regret anything” I offer, giving them one chance to do the right thing.

“Regret anything? Kid, you are a twig. What are you going to do? Cry?” The smaller one laughed.

“Your funeral” I mutter. Before anything else can be said, I grab the front of the smaller guy’s sweater and I pin him to the wall, it crackling a little around him. His eyes widen as he looks at me, then to his partner.

“Hey pipsqueak! You think you’re tough?” I drop this guy and duck, just as my senses told me to. The guy ends up punching the wall. His other hand, while holding the knife, swings at me and nicks my cheek. I grab his arm and twist, then push him into the wall, his face slamming right into it. She smaller guy moves to get away, but I step on his leg, and do not let up.

“You guys like picking on kids? You like scaring them? Belittling them? Pulling knives on them?” I clenched my jaw. The only sound from them is their quiet groans of pain. “I asked you a question!” I shout.

“W-w- we Ju-just n-need the m-mo-money man” The bigger one stutters.

“Is that right?” They both nod. “Then get a fucking job! I am so fucking sick of dirtbags like you two stealing! Every night, multiple people get robbed! Every fucking night! And sometimes, people fucking die. So I will give you one chance, stop being low life criminals, and actually fucking contribute to society.” I warn and they nod furiously. “And if I EVER catch you guys stealing again, you are going to wish you weren’t born.” I push the bigger one into the smaller one and they both stumble to the ground. They both scramble and run out the alley.

My breathing is heaving, adrenaline coursing through me. It actually felt great to stop the criminals for the sake of saving someone, not for the sake of being on a man hunt.

I jump when I feel someone touch my shoulder. I turn around and see Ned and MJ, looking at me with concern?

“Your face Peter.” MJ whispers. I swipe my cheek, and I see blood on my finger.

“I’m fine” I mumble.

“That was so cool dude! You just kicked their asses!” Ned laughed.

“Why did it look like you’ve done that before? Like several times?” MJ asked.

“It’s probably just my abilities, you know?” I shrug.

“Or maybe this is why you have been brushing everyone off” She states.

“No!” I shout quickly and she just looks at me.

“Is this how you actually got hurt? Are you out fighting crime Peter?” She persists.

“This isn’t the place for this” I mutter and grab both of their arms. I walk in silence to my house, practically dragging both of them with me.

I slam my door closed and let them take a seat on the couch, while I stand in front of them and start pacing.

“You going to explain now?” MJ asked in a clipped tone. I stop and look at her, all I see is anger.

“Yeah dude, now that we aren’t in the moment, what you did was scary.” Ned mumbled.

“It’s my fault.” I whisper. “It’s my fault that Ben is dead. I had the power to stop the guy, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I stood there petrified of what would happen to me, that I didn’t think of anyone else! I could have stopped him; you guys saw that tonight.”

“So… what? You are a vigilante now?” MJ questions.

“No, it’s not like that. I am hunting for the guy who hurt Ben. And I’m going to hurt him for what he did when I find him.”

“Peter...” She trailed off. “That’s not a path you can come back from.”

“It’s not a path I’m comfortable with. I’m out. Sorry Peter, but you are talking about murder! I’m not going to be apart of that.” Ned exclaims. I nod slowly.

“That’s fine, I get that.”

“Wait Ned.” MJ grabs his arm. “Peter, you don’t have to do this. This is the grief talking. Did you see what you did today? You saved us. You chose to do that. Where have you gotten that experience in fighting?”

“I do this every night.” I mumble.

“So you have been stopping crimes all over the city for three weeks? Since Ben?” She probed.

“No, uh only two weeks.”

“Sure, and about how many robberies and thieves have you stopped?”

“I don’t know, I don’t count.”

“If you had to guess.”

“Maybe thirty? Forty?” I guess.

“And you want to stop doing that once you have caught the guy that killed Ben?” I nod. “You have done so much good in this city in two weeks Peter. This is why you got these abilities. Not me, not Ned, or even Flash. You did. Because you have a conscience. You have the bravery to risk your life. You are smart and kind. You can continue to do good. Or, you can become the very thing that Ben risked his life to stop: a criminal.” I look down.

She is right. Why did I think that killing the guy was a good idea. I do not want to become the thing that killed Ben.

“I’m sorry. You’re right” I sniffle. “I’m just so angry. I want him to pay. He is out there, free in the world, after he ended Ben’s. It isn’t fair.” I cry. I feel MJ’s arms go around me, then Ned’s.

“I’m sorry dude for not trusting you.” He whispered.

“It’s okay. I’m glad you draw the line at murder.” I laugh a little.

“Now, I assume you are using something to hide your identity?” I nod. “Excellent. Let’s make a vigilante”


	6. Settle Down, It'll All Be Clear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday!! Hope everyone had a good weekend!
> 
> Enjoy!!

“How do you feel?” Ned whispers in my ear.

“Ned, I’m on a roof, and you are talking to me through a headset, no one can hear you. No need to whisper” I laugh a little.

“Well, I’m sorry that we have been redesigning your suit and safety procedures for the past week that I’m really excited and don’t want to mess anything up.”  
“Answer the question Peter. You good?” MJ jumps in.

“Yeah I’m good. The suit is pretty cool, I still feel like I am missing something.” I pause. “MJ, are you sure your dad doesn’t need this head set anymore?”

“Yeah, he got a new one. Besides, you really need it anyways. Ned and I need to know where you are in case something happens.”

“Yeah, I know, but you guys have to be quiet when I’m out there. I already get distracted with my senses; I don’t need you guys adding to that”

“Deal. Now lets go get someone, this is so exciting!” I shake my head at Ned’s excitement. But I am also thankful for it.

Since they found out last week, they have helped me recreate everything I had done. MJ has a bit of sewing experience, so she took my suit and made it easier to move in. She ripped the sleeves off the sweater and made gloves. Something about needing to hide every part of myself. MJ also saw how much the shoes constricted my movements, so she had another idea. She ripped the fabric off the shoes and sewed the remaining fabric from the sweater sleeves. Now they fit me, up to mid calf, and they moved with me. Ned said if I wanted to be a beacon of hope, that I needed something, a symbol that people could recognize. And I came up with a spider. I had already entertained thoughts about it, and a spider is the only reason I get to do this, so it made sense. So I painted a spider on the sweater. Something to remind me that I can be better. That I do not have to resort to violence for justice to be served.

“Okay guys quiet, I have something” I crawl down the wall into an alley where a man has just pushed a woman against a wall.

I sneak up behind him and pull him off her. I see the lady run and I turn back to face the man. I duck just in time to miss his swing. I throw a couple of gut shots and he moves back. He jumps up and down then charges. I dodge his attacks, but I scramble. MJ and Ned said I wasn’t allowed to be super rough, that I just needed to stop them and wait for the police. But this guy wasn’t stopping.

“Sorry guys” I mumble before delivering a solid blow to his head. He definitely has a concussion. I crawl up the wall and let out a breathe of air.

“Peter what’d you do?” MJ asks quietly.

“I knocked him out, but there was no other way. He wasn’t stopping and I have nothing to make him stop without doing that.”

“You know, we definitely overlooked that part I think” Ned agreed.

“I’m going to say it. I’m not comfortable with you doing that Peter.” I nod, I knew they wouldn’t be.

“I have an idea. I had been thinking about it for two weeks now. I’ll get back to my house and show you guys.” I start jumping roof to roof again, getting home quickly. I crawl through my window and see Ned and MJ sitting on the bottom bunk.  
“What are these plans?”

“Let me get out of this first Ned” I laugh and gesture to my suit. I head to the bathroom and change quickly. I crawl onto my ceiling and open the attic, shoving the suit in there. I then pull out the plans I have made over the past weeks. I hand the papers to MJ, who was closer. I jump down from the ceiling and look at them.

“You think you can make this?” MJ looked at me.

“Yeah, I’ve actually kind of already started with the formula, but I still need to made the mechanical part to actually use the compound. But that chemical formula is looking promising. I just needs parts for the shooter things.” I explain, nervous that they think I mean being too ambitious.

“These are so cool man. Why didn’t you show us before?”

“I wasn’t sure if it could be done. But I think it can be.”

“Where would you get parts like that?”

“Around.” I shrug. “I usually find stuff in thrift stores and dumpsters. I don’t have the money to be buying brand new parts in stores.” I mumble.

“How about we spend our Saturday hunting for parts then. Then on Sunday you can build, and we can test after school Monday?” MJ suggests.

“Sounds like a plan”  


* * *

  
“Are you sure about this?” Ned asks and hands me a vial.

“Absolutely not. But my math is never wrong. So I’m trusting that when I press this button, the mechanics will not explode, and the webbing will stick to whatever I aim at.” I explain and put webbing into each web shooter.

“I swear to god Peter, if you blow yourself up, I will kill you” MJ mutters and they both backup.

“It’ll be fine MJ” I laugh. I adjust the shooters again, nervous that these might not work. I ran the calculations. Multiple times even. But this has never been done before, so something can go wrong. Especially since my budget was nonexistent and all the parts were found around the city.

I take a deep breath and hold my right arm out, aiming at a tree ten feet away. I release the breathe and press the trigger. The web sticks to the tree and it is like a rope to my shooter. I press down further and the web releases from the shooter, falling to the ground. Okay so it sticks. The functions works. I test the left one, just in case something happens, but it is fine. I turn and see Ned looking like a kid on Christmas, while MJ just looks smug. I pick up a strand of the webbing and it sticks.

“Guys!” I call out and I hear their footsteps approach. “It’s sticky”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t that the point?” MJ asks.

“I mean I can’t let go.” I glance at them.

“Again, wasn’t that the point? So you could web the criminals up, so the cops can get them? Without you having to knock them out?” Ned asks.

“It’s just, stickier than I thought.” I mumble.

“Well at least this stuff works.” MJ points out.

“Yeah, I want to test one more thing. And I still have to calibrate the accuracy. I have other plans for these as well.”

“What are you talking about? You said this was only for stopping criminals” MJ exclaimed.

“I know. But I’ve been practising with another idea.”

“Which is?” She raises an eyebrow at me.

“You’re not going to like it”

“Tell me.”

“Well before you guys were in on this, I had been trying to find a quicker way to get around that isn’t running around on the streets. And something that would be less noticeable. So I started jumping roof tops.” I pause to take in their reactions, and as predicted, they do not look all that impressed. “But sometimes the buildings are too far apart so I have to climb down then start again at the next buildings. So, my original idea for this was to, uh swing.” I mutter.

“I’m sorry, Swing?” MJ practically yells.

“Yeah.”

“Look, I get you aren’t in the best headspace as of lately, but this is suicide.”

“MJ! I thought you said we weren’t talking about that around Peter?” Ned shouts.

“What?” I ask. Have they been talking about me behind my back?

“We were worried about why you started doing this Peter, so we had a discussion about it.”

“And?” I look between the both of them.

“Is this your last cry for help before you get yourself killed? Like you realized you couldn’t do it so you are hoping that one night, one of these guys will?” Ned whispered.

“No! Are you kidding me? If that were the case why would I fight? Why would I put this much effort in to getting myself killed?” I yell at both of them. Do they not see that I am doing better recently?

They both look at each other and hesitate.

“You’re right. I’m sorry we didn’t have faith in you.” MJ walked towards me.

“I have been eating. I haven’t been cutting. What else can I do to make you guys realize?” I cry.

“This is on us Peter. I’m sorry we thought those things. You deserve better” MJ’s arms go around me. The one that isn’t stuck to the webbing goes around her.

“I’m sorry that you guys even had to have that conversation. We all know it wasn’t unwarranted. I just, I’m trying. You guys must see that. Right?”

“Of course dude! But this is new territory for us.” I nod.

“If we are to be doing this together, we need to be honest with each other. And Peter, you need to continue to take care of yourself. We need to be a team.”  


* * *

  
“Are you sure about this?” I smile a little.

“Yes MJ I’m sure”

“Dude you realize how bad this can go, right?”

“It won’t. You guys saw me testing it out. It won’t fail.”

“I swear to go Peter, there better not be a Peter pancake in the streets of New York.” MJ grumbles.

“I’m going for it.” I walk to the far end of the rooftop. I take a breath and run, full speed and jump. I feel the air passing by me, my feet not touching the ground. For a moment, I felt like I was flying. Then I started getting closer and closer to the ground rapidly. I put my arm out and shot the mechanics and the web hit a building. My whole-body jolts as the velocity is shifted into another direction. I shoot another web, then another and I feel amazing. At the end of the block I jump onto a roof and tumble across it, ending up on my back. I lay there for a second, a smile on my face. I just successfully created webbing and shooters for it.

“Are you okay?” I hear MJ ask.

“Fine, it worked perfectly. My landing needs practise though.”

“How does it feel?”

“Little painful on the shoulders, but I’ll get better at timing the webs.”

“Dude, I meant how did it feel to be in the air like that?”

“Amazing” I laugh.

“You’re laughing.” MJ states, a little surprised.

“Yeah?”

“Like a genuine laugh Peter. I cannot remember the last time I heard you laugh like that.” I sit up, my laugh stopping immediately.

“It’s not that I’m happy that Ben-”

“Peter, it’s okay to be happy. Ben wouldn’t want you to be miserable.” I sniff, trying to hold back my tears.

“Yeah I guess.” I mumble.

“Peter, my scanner is picking up on a disturbance two blocks north of you” Ned tells me and I take off in that direction. I see a guy pin a girl to the wall. I jump down and web the guys hand to the wall.

“Hey man, how about you pick on someone your own size?” I ask. He turns around and holds a knife in my direction, but can’t further as his hand is stuck. I shoot another web at the knife and yank it somewhere behind me. The girl goes behind me now that she has the opportunity. I web his other hand to the wall. “Now this is so much easier. Webs are amazing” I mutter.

“What the fuck are you doing? Let me go!” He screams.

“No I don’t think so mister criminal. The cops will be here soon to pick you up. Have fun!” I turn to the girl behind me. “Are you okay?” She nods.

“Thank you so much! You saved me. What’s your name?”

“Oh uh,” I stumble, no one has ever asked for a name. I mean I am all spider themed. “Spider-Man” I state and smile, even though she can’t see it.

“Well thank you Spider-Man. I’ll make sure the cops get him. You should get going.” She smiled and I nodded. I crawled up the building and started swinging.

“Peter that was amazing! I mean I didn’t see it but it sounded like it was amazing! And now people will start knowing Spider-Man! Oh man this is amazing!” Ned rushes out.

“Yeah, it felt different than normal. A different rush.” I mumble out, trying to concentrate on the swinging.

“Are you okay?” MJ asks hesitantly.

“I am feeling great. No injuries.” I land on a rooftop and start listening for something. Then I hear it; a faint gunshot a few blocks over. Then I hear a siren, and another. Then more gunshots. I make my way over there and I see one car speeding down the street recklessly. The guy is shooting at the cops that are following him, and the cops are shooting back.

“Peter, are those gunshots!” I hear MJ ask but I suddenly don’t hear anything. I caught a glimpse of the guy driving and I am sure it’s the guy who killed Ben. My instincts make me jump down onto the hood of the car he is driving. With a closeup of the guy, I now know that this is the guy.

His eyes widen when they see me and his gun points to me. He lets off a few shots but I jump to the roof of his car.

“Peter all I hear is gunshots and sirens. I would like to remind you that being a vigilante is illegal.” Ned informs me, but I knew that. But I’m not letting this guy get away. I climb into the car through the passenger side. His gun goes to me and before he can shoot, I twist his wrist upwards. I then grab the gun and throw it in the backseat.

“Pull over” I hiss.

“Fuck no. I’m not getting caught” I look at our surroundings and take a calculated risk. I know that the warehouse coming up is abandoned, and has been for years. I also know that I heal quickly. As we get closer to the warehouse I prepare myself. I yank the wheel to the left and as the car starts turning and flipping, I stick myself to the inside roof.

The car stopped and I put the paper I had been carrying with me every night; his wanted poster. I tuck it in his pocket and make sure he has a pulse. It’s there and he should be fine, just cosmetic stuff it looks like. Maybe a concussion. I crawl out of the car and police are pointing guns at me. I take another calculated risk shoot a web to the tall building next to me and swing away before they can catch me. I stop a bit when I’m out of the neighbourhood and collapse on the roof.

“Peter, what was that? I thought you were sticking to small stuff? That police chase is all over the news.” Ned asked.

“It was him.” I whisper, and breathing starts to get difficult.

“It was who Peter?” MJ asks.

“The guy that killed Ben” I mumble and my breathing gets louder and louder.

“Okay, Peter, you need to calm down. Just breathe. In and out. In and out.” MJ whispers and starts breathing loudly so I can hear her. “Just follow my breaths. Everything will be fine.” I feel myself start to calm and my breathing gets better. I sit there for a while and MJ and Ned stay on the phone, and continue to breathe so I can fully calm down.

I open my eyes and let out another breath. I slowly stand up and look around.

“Thanks guys” I mumble.

“Anytime Peter.” MJ replies, her voice soft.

“I have to ask Peter, are you hurt? That was a lot of bullets we heard.” Ned points out.

“Oh uh,” I pause and look at myself. No pools of blood, so no bullet wounds I assume. Well that and I don’t feel any pain, well my face a little, but I assume that’s from the car rolling a few times when I crashed it. “No bullet wounds. Maybe a few cuts on my face though.”

“Please get here so I can check them out for you please” MJ requests.

“No, I’ll be fine, I can just go to my-”

“Peter. No, come to my house. I will make sure everything is fine.”

“Fine. I’m hanging up now. Thanks for the help Ned I’ll see you tomorrow at school.” I end the call and head to MJ’s house.

When I get there, I climb up to the fire escape and knock on her window. She opens it and I just stare for a second. She is wearing a tank top and pajama shorts. I don’t think I’ve seen her in anything but sweaters and jeans. She gently pulls me in and shuts the window behind me. I let her lead me to the bathroom connected to her room and sit down on the closed toilet seat. I sit there and look at her and she smiles softly.

MJ slowly removes the mask, making sure not to hurt me. She puts it on the shelf behind her and just looks at me for a few minutes. She grabs a cloth from her sink and starts wiping away blood. Well I assume blood, and maybe dirt as well. I close my eyes and just enjoy the feeling of MJ taking care of me.

“Does this hurt?” She whispers and gently rubs a finger over my eye. I shrug, it’s a little tender but nothing I can’t handle. She just hums and continues on with what she is doing.

“Peter?” I open my eyes and look at her with a smile. “Was it actually him?” I nod. “Is he dead?” I shake my head. “Okay.” And I close my eyes again, feeling the exhaustion from tonight’s events. I hear the cloth be put into the sink before I feel MJ’s hands cradle my face.

“Peter, can I tell you something?” I nod. “I like you” I open my eyes to look at hers.

“What?”

“I like you Peter. More than a friend. And I have for a while. A long while actually.” I stare at her for a second. How can MJ like me? I’m nothing. “Please say something” She whispers.

“Why?” I mutter.

“Why? I don’t understand”

“Why do you like me MJ? I’m disgusting” I mumble.

“Peter Benjamin Parker, you are not disgusting. This,” She holds my head in her hands “holds your brilliant brain. And it doesn’t hurt that you are cute.” She smiles. Her hand moves to my chest. “And your heart, you care for so many people.” Her hands go to my arms. “And these show how strong you are. That despite everything, you never gave up.” She lets go and looks at me. “Everything about you is amazing. Don’t put yourself down like that.” She smiles. I look down for a second. MJ sees me like that?

I feel MJ’s hand go under my chin to make me look at her again. She kisses my cheek, and I feel my cheeks go red.

“I don’t want this to change us. I can be just a friend. I get that this isn’t the best time to tell you, but after tonight I couldn’t wait. I could lose you at any time with what you do. And I need you to know how I feel.” She whispered.

“I like you too” I stand up and cradle her face in my hands. I lean in and press my lips to hers, then pull back slowly.

MJ looks at me with a blush. “I hate to do this but you should probably go. You should be fine” She gestures to my face. “But it is getting late and you need to rest for school tomorrow.” I nod at her.

“I’ll see you in the morning then.” I smile and head back to her window. She throws my mask at me and waves.

“Good night”

“Night MJ.”  


* * *

  
The next day after school I sit perched in a tall building, listening to MJ and Ned argue about school.

“I’m telling you Ned, that is not how history went. Open your text book and look.”

“I’m telling you that this is what Mr. Anderson said.”

“And he is a shit teacher that needs to retire.” I huff out a laugh and shake my head.

“What are you laughing at Parker?” MJ pipes in.

“Nothing. Just my two idiot best friends arguing.”

“Peter, should you be talking to your girlfriend like that?”

“I regret telling you” MJ mutters.

“You didn’t tell me. Peter was about to jump out the window for patrol and you pulled him in for a kiss. Not my fault you guys can’t control yourselves.” Ned laughed. They continued bickering and I felt a sharp pain in the back of my neck. I hate this feeling.

I look around, looking for any sign of danger. The feeling is just getting stronger and I still am not finding anything out of the ordinary.

“Peter?” I hear MJ ask.

“Something is wrong” I mutter and continue to frantically look around for something. Anything that could be dangerous.

“What is it?” Ned whispered.

“Just stay quiet” I hiss, the pain in my neck not letting up. I look down nearby allies and streets, but everyone is moving about their day, no one seems to be in distress.

Then I see it. It feels like slow motion as I swing down into the street in front of a bus. The car going way too fast and is about to hit the side of the bus. I get in front and before I can think about what I’m about to do, I catch the car before it hits the bus. I put the car down and swing away to the top of a building and take my mask off, trying to breathe.

I just caught a moving car. Without hesitation. That could’ve killed me. I have never tested my limits, but before today, the heaviest thing I have lifted up was a couch. I kneel, still trying to catch my breath.

“Peter!” I jolt out of my own little bubble and focus on that voice.

“Yeah?”

“What the hell happened? There was a scream, a crunch of some sort and you have been breathing irregular for a few minutes.” MJ listed off.

“I, uh, I caught, uh, I caught a car” I huff out. I was met with silence.

“What?”

“I caught a car.” I rub my face. “Before it crashed into a bus.” I explain.

“I wish I was there to see that. Dude you caught a car?” Ned exclaimed.

“I don’t even really remember doing it. It just happened.” I mumble.

“You need to get here now. You are probably on an adrenaline rush and you do not want to be on the streets when you come crashing down.” MJ requests. I nod a few times before I realize they can’t see me.

“Okay, Ned I’ll be at yours in a few minutes.” I hang up and continue to sit there a few minutes just letting what just happened sync in. I caught a freaking car with my bare hands. How is that possible?

I shake my head and put the mask on, Ned and MJ will freak out if I am not there soon. I swing to Ned’s house and get there about ten minutes later. Before I can do anything, I’m engulfed in MJ’s arms.

“Are you okay?” She asks and starts taking my mask off. I nod and look at them both.

“Sorry for worrying you both. It was just an instinct.”

“It’s all good man.” I smile at Ned. “Still wished I could’ve seen it. Like imagine the faces of people around you! Or in the car!” Ned rambled.

“I’m going to take the suit off, I’ll be right back.” I slip into Ned’s bathroom and get changed. The stress of what my body just did is taking its toll. My body feels exhausted and like I need to just sleep for days.

I walk out and just collapse onto Ned’s bed.

“Adrenaline wearing off?” I look over at MJ and smile.

“I think so. I don’t remember the last time I felt so exhausted.” I close my eyes. I feel MJ sit beside me and start carding a hand through my hair. My whole body relaxes, someone running their hand through my hair is my weakness. No matter who does it, it calms me down and gets me to sleep. But it isn’t even dinner yet, I don’t want to sleep.

“Peter, you need the rest. Just sleep. We will wake you when it’s time to eat.” I guess I must have said that last part out loud. I try to resist sleeping a bit longer, but it is futile, within minutes I’m sleeping.

I wake up to a knock on the door.

“Hey kids, I figured you guys would be playing games and doing homework, so you guys can eat up here.” I hear footsteps and plates be put down on Ned’s desk. “Is he okay?”

“Yeah mom, just tired. You know how it’s been for him.”

“I know. Okay, make sure he eats as well. And bring your plates down when you finish.” Mrs. Leeds whispers and closes the door. I open my eyes slowly and I see MJ. My head has somehow ended up in her lap, her fingers still in my hair.

“Perfect timing. We have food.” I sit up slowly and get off the bed. I sat at Ned’s desk, where all the food was placed. MJ sits on my other side, so I am between the both of them.

“Feeling better Peter?” I look at Ned and nod.

“Yep. Glad there is food though. I’m starved.” I start digging into the lasagna. The food entering my system seemed to relax me even more. My body felt less stiff by the time I finished my plate.

After we cleared the plates and put them downstairs, we decided to finish our homework. MJ is on the academic decathlon team and wanted Ned and I to join next year when the seniors graduate. So after finishing the homework, she makes us study other random things that we haven’t learned in school yet. I enjoyed it, I like challenging my brain. Plus I got to hang out with Ned and MJ while doing it. I just wished it could always be like this.

Be able to have my friends, well MJ is more than that, and family all around. Everyone happy and just doing what they want. And me not having the feeling of never-ending doom. It was nice to just be a kid, well a kid that is a vigilante. But I am no longer feeling that extreme pain and numbness I was months before, or right after Ben. I have people now. Well I always had people, but I know that now. And I have more control in my life now. I’m not a victim anymore. And it feels great.

“Holy shit” I look over at Ned, who never really swears, so it was a bit of a surprise.

“What?” I look over at his computer screen, trying to get a look at what he is seeing. I feel MJ do the same, trying to see why Ned swore.

“You guys need to see this” He moves the screen to point at us a bit and hits play on a YouTube video. At first you just see someone filming a girl dancing on the sidewalk, but something caught his attention and the camera turned in the opposite direction. 

There you see a car speeding down the road and the camera turns back you see a bus that the car is about to crash into. Then before it can, someone steps into the road and catches the car, before flying off. I pause the video for a second. Wait a second…

“That’s me” I whisper. Clicking play on the video I see the red and blue and the guy isn’t flying, he is swinging. This is what I did. This was me hours ago. “Holy shit” I whisper.

“This video was uploaded an hour ago. It has over ten thousand views. And they even got your name right. Everyone is going to know who Spider-Man is!” Ned exclaimed.


	7. Don't Pay No Mind To The Demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I hope everyone had a good thanksgiving (if you are in Canada) and just a good plain weekend for everyone else.
> 
> Enjoy! 💖💛💙

As it turns out, Spider-man didn’t get recognized overnight. A week since that video has been posted and not a lot of people are talking about him. A few students have had conversations about him, but that’s about it. I could still patrol and not have anyone recognize me.

But that’s okay, because I am not doing this for the recognition. I’m doing this because New York is filled with crime and it needs to be stopped.

Tonight I am taking a night off patrol though. It is Halloween, so Ned, MJ and I were going to camp out at my house and watch horror movies. I love nights like these ones; the three of us hanging around and being teens. As much as I love having them talking with me during most of my patrols, I hate that I brought them into that. But they refuse to let me be.

May has an overnight shift at the hospital, but left us money for dinner. Ned and MJ brought a bunch of snacks so that we could try to stay up all night. I grabbed the movies and lined them up in the living room so we could decide where to start. I had paranormal movies, Slasher movies or even IT. At about four, MJ and Ned and arrived, snacks in hand.

We grabbed all the blankets and pillows and made a make shift bed on the living room floor. To start the night off, we decided on Scream. While it’s a horror movie, it’s more of a jump scare. We will keep the scarier ones for later.

By the end of the first movie, we had finished off two pizzas and we had starting digging into the sweets. We were all going to regret this, the overloading on candy, but we didn’t care at the moment. We are having fun and hanging out as teenagers, not something we get the chance to do a lot.

By the third movie in, we are clustered together huddling under the blankets, peeking out to watch Paranormal Activity. It was scarier than we thought. I thought I was going to immune to these movies, because I have lived through many horrors, but this one is getting to me. That and I ate too much candy that I feel like I am going to throw up.

At two in the morning, we all start to get comfortable and go to bed, after watching Mulan, at MJ’s insistence. We all agreed that we needed to watch something that wasn’t horror before we went to bed.

I stretch out briefly, before laying down between MJ and Ned again. MJ curled up against me while Ned just laid on his back on the other side of me. Within minutes Ned is snoring and MJ’s breathing is even and I’m left just staring at the ceiling. Despite my general mood being better, I still get nightmares and can’t sleep. It sucks.

I wake up to a knocking sound. I open my eyes and look around slowly. MJ is still curled up around me and Ned is still snoring. I hear the knocking again, a bit louder this time. I look over a see the front door, then I hear people on the other side. I sigh, realize that I will have to get it. May’s shift ended at 6AM and the clock says 8, so she is probably sleeping.

I maneuver around MJ and walk to the front door, where the knocking sounded again. I rub my eyes and grab the door knob, opening the door. I pause at who I see. Two police officers are standing there, looking like they’d want to be anywhere else. And it was in this moment I realized. I have seen this look before. The night that haunts me, this is how the police looked at May and I. Oh god May…

“Are you Peter Parker?” One of them asks. I nod slowly, wishing that they aren’t here to tell me what I think they are. Please let it be that they know I’m Spider-Man. That they are here to take me away for being a vigilante, which is illegal.

“There was an accident this morning kid.” The other one started and I just start shaking my head. I feel the tears forming in my eyes and I know that the dam of tears is about to break open.

“I’m sorry, May didn’t make it.”

“No, you’re lying. You have to be lying!” I cry out at them. I hear foot steps and then arms go around me, familiar arms.

“Peter, what’s wrong?” MJ whispers but I just shake my head. “What happened officer?”

“May Parker passed away this morning. I’m sorry” I hear a few whispered curses.

“Ned call your mom” I feel myself fall to the ground, my vision going fuzzy. My world has stopped. The feeling of not being able to breathe is welcoming. Why does the world insist on dragging me down? I welcome death if this is the way I get treated after I start getting better. First with Ben, now with May. I cannot catch a break.

I feel MJ sit behind me, rocking me gently. She was whispering something, but I couldn’t quite pick it up. The ringing in my ears was too loud. I feel a hand go to my chest and then the exaggerated breathes coming from behind me. I start following the breathes, trying to get my breathing under control; the tightness in my lungs indicated that I was having another panic attack.

“My mom will be here in a few minutes.” I hear Ned say quietly. I tuck my head into MJ’s arm and try to calm myself down.

“Peter, it’s okay. I got you. I promise that I will never let you go.” She whispered to me. I try to nod, so she knows I heard her, but I’m not really sure if she knew what I was doing. I look up and the two officers are still there, and they look really uncomfortable.

“What, uh, what ha-happened?” I choke out.

“It was a head on collision. Neither the driver that ran the red light or May made it.” One of them explained quietly.

“I hate to do this but Peter needs to come with us. There is no adult present and he is officially a child of the state now.” The other cop says with a slight grimace.

“No, he is staying with us, people that actually give a fuck about him!” MJ stands up and steps in front of me.

“Sorry ma’am, but that’s not how this works.”

“I don’t really care officer. You just told him the last of his family is gone, and now you want to rush him out of his home and take him to a place where nothing good has ever been said about it? No, you are not taking him” She shouts. I stand up behind her and grab her hand.

“MJ, it’s-” I turn at the sound of someone knocking. Ned goes over and his mom walks in with him. She takes notice of the police and her posture straightens.

“What is going on here?” She asks calmly.

“Peter’s guardian is no longer with us. So he needs to be brought in as a child of the state.”

“No, he will stay with me for the night. He needs to be with people that care about him. Not some cold family.” She steps in beside me.

“Ma’am, we cannot let that happen. He has to come with us.”

“No. Unfortunately, I cannot take him in permanently, but I can take him in for the night. That way he can absorb what you are so callously throwing at him. He is a fragile boy that needs all the love that he deserves. So, tomorrow evening, you can come get him, or a social worker, here at this address. And I’ll even put my phone number on it.” The grabs a near by piece of paper and writes down her information and shoves it at them. “Now leave.”

The two officers look at each other for a second before slowly leaving and apologizing.

“Thank you” I whisper looking at Mrs. Leeds.

“Of course sweetie” She smiles softly and wraps her arms around me. Ned and MJ join in, making me squished in the middle, but I didn’t mind too much.

Unable to stop them, the tears start pouring over my eyes. I sob, just holding on to everyone, not knowing what my life is about to become. I should be used to this by now; My family dying. First my parents, then Ben and now May. But it just gets harder. I now know I don’t have anyone. There is no one left. I have to go live with strangers now. And hopefully they are nice. But you don’t hear too many good things about the foster system, especially when the children are my age. No one wants a teenager, so I’ll be there until I’m eighteen and they kick me out.

“Hey, stop thinking like that. No one is leaving you. We will always be in your life Peter.” I look over at MJ who said it.

“What?”

“You just said no one will love you and you are going to be alone. That’s not true.” I shake my head, knowing that’s not true. One day it will be too much, and they will leave. Everyone does.

“Okay, I hate to say this Peter, but I have no idea what is going to happen to this place now. I’m not even sure if you will be able to go back here after tomorrow. So how about we pack whatever you need, and a few things of May and Ben’s that you want.” I look at Mrs. Leeds and nod.

“Yeah okay.”  


* * *

  
“No matter what, we are still your friends. We will always be here. Even if you have to move schools.” I look up and Ned and nod slowly. 

“Hey,” MJ whispers from beside me, guiding my face with her hand to look at her. “We will love you always. Please remember who you are. Do not let anyone change you.” I nod again, trying to hold the tears in. It’s nearing seven and the social worker was going to be here soon. 

Today we spent our day holding each other. We didn’t want to let go. They are telling me now that we will always be friends, but I could be going anywhere. I don’t get a choice in the matter. I just have this feeling like I am going to lose them. 

A knock at the door makes all three of us turn. I feel my hands trembling and the tears are becoming harder to hold. We hear two voices, one of them Mrs. Leeds, the other presumably the social worker. 

The two of them walk into the living room and everything just seems so quiet in that moment. The unknown woman smiles at me and walks in my direction.

“Hi, my name is Jennifer, you must be Peter” She holds her hand out and I shake it. “I will be your social worker. How about you grab your things and then we can get going.I have a foster home lined up for you and within your school’s district. And the man, Mr. Wescott is very nice.” She smiles at me. I nod slowly, not really believing her. Here I thought I was going to be with some cold family and have to move schools, but I get to stay? That just doesn’t make sense, not with my luck.

Since I knew she was coming, I had my bags already down here, just by the door. I didn’t want to be rude and waste anyone’s time. And I let Jennifer know that.

“Well aren’t you just the sweetest. Let’s get going then.” I nod again and give MJ a hug, then Ned. I know I will get to see them at school, but I’m nervous. Very nervous. 

I thank Mrs. Leeds for taking me overnight, then I follow Jennifer out to her car. I get in the back after putting my bags in the trunk. I sit quietly, too anxious to do anything else. 

“We are here Peter. Oh look Mr. Wescott is waiting on the porch.” I look over to the house we stopped in front of. I see the man in question.

Standing up I see the short, dirty blonde hair. He is above average height, probably about six feet. He is wear a bright red plaid shirt and regular blue jeans. He is smiling at us and making his way to the car.

I get out and go to the trunk, nervous about meeting this guy. He will be taking care of me. He has say over me. He can tell me what I can and can’t do. I no longer have the rules that May and Ben set. And that scares me. He doesn’t know me, and yet he gets to decide my life.

I grab my two bags and my backpack and close the trunk. I walk over to where Jennifer and Mr. Wescott are standing.

“Mr. Wescott, this is Peter Parker. Peter this is Mr. Wes-”

“No need for the formalities. I’m Skip.” He smiles at me. 

“Nice to meet you” I mumble. 

“Okay Peter, I am going now. I will be checking in once a week for the first little bit. It’s protocol. Then after that, there will be surprise visits every once and awhile. But you have nothing to worry about Mr. Wescott, you are a natural at this. Have fun!” I stand on the sidewalk and watch her just leave me. Is this how it normally worked? I thought it was all about making sure I felt comfortable, so walking me in, having a conversation with everyone. Not just… abandoning me here with a stranger. 

A heavy hand landing on my shoulder pulls me out of those thoughts. My head snaps to Mr. Wescott and he just smiles. 

“How about I show you to your room.” I nod slowly, just trying to ignore the stinging in the back of my neck.

He leads me through the downstairs, showing me the living area then we head upstairs. He tells me never to go in his room, the last door on the left. The bathroom is the first door on the left and mine is to the right, next to another spare bedroom. 

“Sometimes I have two kids, and I’m lucky enough to be able to live here so I help out the best way I know how.” I just nod, not really letting his words register. The stinging in my neck is turning into throbbing and it is hard to concentrate on anything else. 

“So it is pretty late, and I know you don’t have to go to school tomorrow, but you have had a stressful few days. I suggest you unpack, put your stuff in the dresser and closet, then head to bed. Jennifer told me that the funeral has been planned for Tuesday by the hospital. So you have tomorrow, then it’s Tuesday then on Wednesday, I have to go back to work, so you will be going to school. Sound good?” 

“Yeah, sounds good Mr. Wescott.” A look goes over his eyes for a brief second before he goes back to smiling.

“I told you Peter, no need for the formality. It’s Skip.” I nod slowly, taken aback by the slight bite in his voice. I was just trying to be polite. “Okay, goodnight Peter. See you in the morning” And he leaves and closes the door. I sit on the edge of the bed, head in my hands. I feel my breathing start to pick up and I try to calm it before it becomes a panic attack. I have been on the verge of one since the one I had yesterday, and now without MJ and Ned, I fear it will happen.

But Mr. Wescott, Skip, wants me to unpack. And I don’t want to upset him. So I open up bag one, filled with my clothes, and at the very bottom, my spiderman suit with all my web solution. I put it in one of the drawers, under my clothes out of site. Once I get to know the room better I will find a better spot for it. Like the attic above my bed at home. 

Home. A place I can no longer visit because it isn’t home anymore. My family is gone. My whole world has been turned upside down, except this time there is no one to pick me up. I wipe a hand across my face, getting rid of the tears. This isn’t the time to cry. I need to get my other bag unpacked then head to bed. I am exhausted. 

After putting the picture and a few books I had away in the closet, I get into comfy clothes and lay down. I turn over and close my eyes, trying to let my exhaustion take over. Except it doesn’t.  


* * *

  
DAY 1

I jolt up right at the banging on my door.

“Hey Peter, I know this is your first night here but no sleeping past eight. There are better things to do than sleep all day. Come on.” I slowly lay back down and glare at the door. 

Seriously? Eight in the morning is sleeping in? I mean sure, for school days I’m up at six, but other days, if I can, I sleep in as long as my body and mind let me. I throw the blankets off of me and get dressed. I don’t want Skip to come back up here and yell or something. 

I walk down the stairs and go to the kitchen and see him drinking coffee. He looks up and smiles briefly.

“Good man. I was thinking I was going to have to go back up there. Now there is cereal in the panty and milk in the fridge. I wasn’t sure what you liked so I haven’t gone shopping. We can go later today.” I nod and go off and grab a small bowl of cereal. My appetite is almost nonexistent. But MJ will be upset if I don’t eat.

After eating, I just sit at the table silently, not really knowing what to do.

“So Peter, ground rules. I may not be your parent, but this is my house and you are under my supervision so I have rules.” I nod. May and Ben had rules. “You clean up after yourself. If you make a dish, you will wash it. There is a dishwasher, you should empty it when you see it is clean. If I make dinner, you clean up. Your room should be clean at all times, including a made bed.” I nod, that is basic, May and I had a similar setup the past little bit.

“Now, no friends are allowed over. I don’t know them yet, and I am fostering you and maybe another kid. I don’t want that ruined because you might hang around the wrong crowd. But that's just for now, I would like to have a sit down with them and their parents, get to know them, then that rule is lifted. You are allowed to go hang out with them but you have a curfew. Seven every night. You must walk through that front door before seven. If you are going to be late then call me so I know. I think that is it for now. I will let you know if I think of anything else.” I nod, and he gets up and goes upstairs. 

I sit there, not believing what he just said. I have a seven at night curfew? I’m out as Spider-man until midnight or maybe even later. And I can’t have my friends over? I shake my head a bit and stand up. I threw my cereal bowl into the dishwasher, before Skip gets mad. I then head to my bedroom and make the bed. 

I haven’t even been here for twenty four hours and I already hate it.  


* * *

  
WEEK 1

“Peter, Jennifer is here” I groan quietly and let out a huff. Week one here at Skip’s house was horrible. I mean sure, it wasn’t anything extreme, just very restrictive. And emotional.

May’s funeral was difficult. MJ and Ned went with their parents. It was almost harder than Ben’s. I didn’t cry, but I stayed silent, knowing that if I started talking, I would cry. Skip couldn’t go because he had a work thing, so Jennifer took me. 

Then during school the past three days were almost just as bad. The amount of pity looks I got from both students and teachers was unnerving. Flash didn’t even go out of his way to bother me, which was nice, but weird. 

I haven’t been able to go out as Spider-Man, as Skip checks in on me every hour past curfew, claiming that he doesn’t trust me yet and that it has to be earned. To be fair, I do want to sneak out, but not for the reasons that he thinks. 

And the buzz on my neck. It has been everlasting here since the day I got here. It won’t quiet down. At school, it’s silent, walking to school, it’s fine, unless some sort of crime is happening nearby. But inside the house with Skip, it's there. And I have no idea why. I mean, Skip is harmless, he’s a bank manager that fosters kids. What could be wrong with him?

I go downstairs and see Jennifer smiling and leaning close to Skip. Before I see anything I don’t want to, I make my presence known.

“Hi Jennifer”

“Oh Peter, nice to see you again. So, it’s almost five on a friday night, I don’t want to take up too much of you guys’ time. So let’s just jump into it.” I nod. “Okay good. So, how do you like it here?”

“It’s, uh good.” I mumble. How am I supposed to explain that my ability hates this place?

“That’s good. And how do you get along with Mr. Wescott?” 

“We are good.” I state. I've known him for six days, does she expect more than that?

“Okay. And you are adjusting to being here?”

“Yeah, I follow the house rules and it’s nice” I just want this to be over.

“Okay that’s good. So, for now it looks like this is going to be your home. I will check up on you guys in about a month for a surprise visit, but you guys seem good with each other.” My eyebrows pinch together in confusion.

“Didn’t you say you’d have weekly visits for a bit before the monthly ones?” I ask.

“I did. But we are swamped with kids in the system right now and we are understaffed. Mr. Wescott has homed multiple children, I know you are in good hands. And we want to be able to do weekly visits to the first time foster parents. You understand, don’t you?” I nod slowly, even though I don’t. I’m not even a full seven days into the foster system and I’m already being abandoned.  


* * *

  
WEEK 2

“So just sneak out. It’s not like he will know. /it may not be as much as it used to but it is still something.” I shake my head at Ned.

“No, you don’t understand. After curfew, he checks on me periodically to make sure I’m still there.”

“He’s just caring for you man.” 

“He’s imprisoning me is what it is. I feel like I can’t breathe in that house.” I huff. MJ places a hand on my shoulder and smiles.

“You could use the time after school until curfew.” She suggested.

“But then I won’t get to see you guys. And if I’m not home for dinner then he doesn’t make it. He goes out.”

“That's rude” MJ scoffs.

“And I just have that feeling being in that house and I’m not sure. But Jennifer said she wasn’t going to be there for a month, and that was four days ago. And in that time, he has just gotten more strict.”

“What feeling?” Ned asked.

“Like my, uh” I gesture to my neck, they know about it.

“You never mentioned it before.” 

“Because I thought maybe it was everything happening, but I don’t know.” I shrug.

“Does he do anything?” I look at MJ.

“What do you mean?”

“Does he hit you?”

“No, he has never given me a glare. He is just strict.” I frown. Why would she ask that?

“Good. And your arms?” I smile a little.

“Still all good.” She nods. 

“MJ, this is us” Ned gestures to the street that leads to their houses. She hugs me and kisses me on the cheek, not wanting Ned to feel uncomfortable. Ned and I do our handshake and we part ways. I walk to Skip’s house and open the door. Before getting up the stairs he is calling out for me to do my homework.

I roll my eyes and go to my room and sit at the desk. I start on it, finishing it at four. Keeping in mind what MJ said about using before curfew time, I head downstairs with my bag that has my suit under a few books.

“Where are you going?” I turn to him with a smile.

“Just out for a walk. Listen to music.”

“Homework first.”

“I’m done.”

“Didn’t I hear you have a test on Friday?” I start to nod. “Then study.” I frown.

“I’ll only be an hour, maybe two. I can study after.” I argue.

“Watch the attitude,” He glares.

“There isn’t a fucking attitude, you are just being too fucking controlling” I burst and as soon as I say it, my eyes are wide. He takes a few steps toward me and hisses.

“Don’t you ever, talk to me like that again. You understand?” I nod silently. “Good. Now you are grounded for swearing at me. Two weeks. Straight to school, straight home.”

“Okay.”

“And extra chores.” I nod. “Good, now go to your room and think about what you did.” I turn around but before I get far I see his foot shoot out in front of mine. I could have stepped around it but normal people wouldn’t be able to, so I don’t. I fall to the ground with a thud and quickly move to my back to look at him.

“What the-” I was cut off by his foot slamming down on my stomach. I breathe a sharp breath of air trying to comprehend what just happened. 

“That was me teaching you a lesson. Don’t make me do it again.” I nod and get up off the ground and go to my room. I sit at the desk and let the tears flow down my face.

What do I do? I can tell Jennifer the next time she is here? But that won't be for weeks. So I could call the office, but what if they don’t believe me? I can tell my friends. By why add more of my shit onto their plates? That’s not fair. So what are my options? 

And the answer is nothing. Because I am just an orphaned fourteen year old kid who is about to cry wolf and have to prove it. Bruises will probably be gone by the time I can tell an adult. So there is no proof and it would just be my word against his. Besides, it was a one time thing, right?  


* * *

  
WEEK 3

I woke up earlier than needed to go to school. I sit up and just sit on the edge of my bed for a few moments. I open the side drawer on the desk and pull out the blade I stole from Skip. He never noticed, somehow, but I’m thankful for that. I sit there, and drag the blade across my arm. I started again over the weekend. Ending week two here and starting the third and I’m already back to my old habits.

Today is Monday, and it will be the first time I see MJ since I started up again. I really hope she doesn’t ask about it today. Although that is very unlikely. As my friend, she is very caring and makes sure I’m okay. As my girlfriend she seems to be more aware of my wellbeing. Well, I guess she isn’t my girlfriend if we haven’t even been on a date. But whatever it is that we are now, it’s harder to hide stuff. 

After cut three, I decide that it’s enough and get ready for school. I go through the motions and suddenly I’m at school. I somehow walked twenty minutes without even being aware of them. I throw my stuff in my locker and grab the stuff I need, trying to be quick and get to class before MJ and Ned find me. I need to prolong their line of questioning for as long as I can. 

I close my locker and MJ is standing right there. Shit. 

“Morning Peter.” She smiles at me.

“Morning MJ.” I try to act as normal as possible. Ned walks up to us and we all sit and talk about the upcoming day. Okay good, keep the conversation not on me. 

We get through the whole day without MJ or Ned asking me about my mental health. And while that is odd on their part, I am thankful. Maybe I can hide this better than I thought. Ned’s mom picks him up at the front, leaving MJ and I to walk home together.  
She grabs my hand like normal and we walk in a nice silence for a bit. Then she abruptly stops and turns to me.

“Peter.”

“MJ”

“I have a feeling”

“About?”

“You. And that you aren’t doing great. Which is completely understandable. But you were different today. And that makes me think that you hurt yourself.” I clench my jaw. “You did, didn’t you?” I nod and she hugs me so tightly.

“Let me see.” I roll up the one sleeve, and she frowns. “What triggered it?” 

“Spider-Man. Well like the lack of it I mean. Doing that made me feel closer to Ben, and I’m sure it would make me feel like that with May as well. But I haven’t been able to and I just snapped. I’m sorry.” And it isn’t a complete lie. One of the reasons I was good at keeping in line with Spider-Man was because I got to feel pain doing that. And I needed all the energy I could get, not waste it on healing self made cuts. I mean it may not be the entire reason for me starting again, but at least it isn’t a lie.

“I know you are. You just need to be patient. If you think Skip is a decent guy, maybe he just needs your trust. Then you can do what you love.” I nod slowly. “But I just want you to know, you are amazing. You are smart and you are kind.” I smile a little at her mantra. “Now you need to get home. You are grounded Peter.” She smiles and kisses me briefly. 

“See you tomorrow”


	8. They Fill You With Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I know its been a while. Like a long while. I'm sorry about that. Life got in the way and before I knew it, this kind of just got forgotten about. The update schedule is not going to be perfect but I will try to not let it get like this again. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the chapter, it leads up to where more of the fun starts :) Thanks for reading 💖💛💙

**WEEK 4**

I walk into Skip’s house mentally exhausted from the day. Dealing with school, Flash being an asshole and hiding what Skip does. Over the course of a week, Skip has gotten worse. The first time was a kick to the stomach, then it was a slap to the face and yesterday was a hard push into a wall. The reasons were anything from, I had an attitude to, I didn’t do enough cleaning, and my favourite; you’ll be a better man for it. Such bullshit. But I deal with it because I at least eat and have a roof over my head. I’ve been told that other kids aren’t as lucky. Besides I have my healing and I am no stranger to pain. And there is only this week left of school, then exams next week, then winter break. I am excited for that. If it isn’t snowing, I plan to use my days to go be Spider-Man. And hang out with my friends. The Christmas aspect I am not looking forward to. It will be my first one with no family. Do I even celebrate Christmas now? Is that something that happens in foster care?

I shake my head of those thoughts. That is not what I need to be focusing on right now. I run up to my room and put my bag down then go down to the kitchen. I ate a quick bowl of cereal, feeling abnormally hungry today. When I finished, I unloaded the dishwasher, then put all the dirty dishes in it. I made sure the kitchen was clean as well as the living room. I didn’t want a repeat of a few days ago. 

I go back to my room and start on my homework. I only have a few test review booklets left as finals are next week. I video call MJ, and she conferences Ned into it. We all laugh and have fun all while doing our homework. It felt great, like a moment of bliss in the middle of all the other shit. 

A knock on my door pulls me out of my thoughts and before I can even respond Skip walks in. 

“Dinner time. Let’s go. You’ve done enough socializing at school.” I nod quickly and I see the looks on MJ and Ned’s faces. 

“Bye guys. See you tomorrow.” And I hang up before they can say anything. I run quickly down the stairs, hoping Skip doesn’t think I made him wait too long or something. 

Walking into the dining room I see chicken and vegetables. It was weird that Skip was so cold, yet so nice when it came to food. We eat in silence, like always, then I clean our plates and start the dishes. He cooks, I clean. That’s the rule. I Scrub the pan and all the other big stuff, then I finish off with our plates. And one of them slips out of my hands and smashes into pieces on the ground. 

I freeze, not knowing what to do. It was an accident, so he won’t be mad right? But he gets mad at everything, so of course he would. 

Skip appears in the doorway and glares at me.

“After everything I do for you, you are just over here breaking my stuff?” He hisses.

“It was, it was an accident. I- I swear I didn’t mean to. I’ll clean it up.” I stumble over my words. He strides over to me, shoes on so he doesn’t care about the glass. He shoves me into the nearest wall, my feet stepping in the glass, cutting into them. His hand goes to my throat and forcefully shoves me harder into the wall. I feel my lungs start to sting, the lack of air due to his hand crushing my throat. But I stay frozen. I have the power to stop him but I can’t seem to move. 

“This is just the beginning Parker. I will break you.” He shoves me onto the floor and walks away. “Don’t forget to clean up your mess.” He calls out and the front door slams shut behind him. 

I sit there, crying, not knowing what else to do. After what seems like forever, I slowly get up and clean the mess up. I don’t want a repeat event. I honestly don’t think I could handle it. 

And just because I am such a mess, before bed, I cut myself even more, reminding me of what a worthless piece of shit I am.  


* * *

  
I walk into school the next day feeling tired. I didn’t sleep very well after the incident. My feet still hurt, my arms burn and my neck is going haywire all the time. Even right now and I am nowhere near Skip.

I go to my locker and realize I am later than normal, as Ned and MJ are waiting for me there. I am the first person here, always. I take a deep breath and try to put up a front, I don’t need them worried about me.

“Morning Peter” Ned smiles.

“Morning guys.” I open my locker, MJ grabs my free hand with hers.

“Dude did you go out as you know who last night and not call us?” Ned whispered not so quietly. I look at him confused and shake my head.

“No, you know I have curfew.”

“Then what is that?” He points to my neck. I try to look down but I realize what it is. It’s Skip’s hand. Well the purple marks he left behind. Shit, how did I not notice them earlier? Maybe because I was too focused on being exhausted. I feel the collar of my shirt be pulled down a little by MJ before her face turns to something I have never seen before.

“Is that from Skip?” She hisses. I look down and try to hold the tears back. They can’t know, they can’t know. This is not supposed to happen.

“Peter?” Ned whispers. I feel a hand go under my chin and make me look at them.

“Peter, I swear to god, do not lie to us. Did Skip do that?” MJ glares. 

“No.” I stare at her. Oh god please don’t see through the lie.

“Then who did that?”

“Uh, me?” I say, very questionably.

“So it was Skip then. Peter you do this to yourself.” She pulls my sleeves up. “Not that” and she points to my neck. “I said don’t lie. And you literally lied to my face.” She huffs and looks at Ned. “Peter, you are my best friend and I love you. But, you are always trying to hide stuff from us. I’d rather you just say it as it is. We can’t help you if you lie.”

“I’m sorry, I just-”

“You’re always sorry.” She deadpanned. “I’m going to class. Come on Ned.” And I watch the both of them walk to class, leaving me behind. I feel the tears well up and a heavy feeling in my chest. No matter what I do, I keep letting them down. I grab my stuff and walk in the opposite direction, out of the school. With it being the second last class, all the teachers were not handing out new work. I didn’t need to go. I walk out the doors letting the crisp cool air hit my face. It’s like a breath of fresh air. 

I walked down the streets and I found myself in Queens. I get the feeling of being home, this is where my memories were made. In Delmar’s with Ben after a shift. Or going shopping with May and suggesting wild things for dinner because I knew she would try them. Grabbing a sandwich with what little money I had, I climbed up the nearest building and ate in silence. I missed this. The feeling of being up high and that nothing could stop me. Feeling like this wanted me to be Spider-Man. I always enjoyed this feeling in the suite.

But then I remembered that I put my suit in my bag. I can go out for a few hours. I feel a smile blooming on my face. It has been a month since I got to put this suit on and I miss it so much. I grab the suit, quickly change behind some vents so no one sees me, then web my bag to said vents for later.

I run and jump off the roof, letting out a sound of triumph. I love swinging through the city. I web between buildings, that feeling of dread and defeat completely leaving my body after helping a few people out. By four, I decided I should get going and head to Skip’s house. But the few hours out were bliss.

Walking through the door, normal clothes back on, suit hidden under all my books, I have a smile on my face. I turn to go upstairs and put my stuff away when I hear Skip.

“Peter. Kitchen, now.” I gulp at the tone in his voice. I walk through the doorway and I see Skip leaning on the counter, glaring at me.

“What’s up?” I ask quietly.

“Where have you been?”

“Oh, uh I was at school.” I mumble.

“You are still grounded. You were supposed to be here an hour ago. Try again. Where were you?” 

“I got caught up in a study group.” I lie.

“I might have believed that if I didn’t get a call from Midtown saying you never went to any of your classes today. So nice try. But you are grounded for an extra two weeks now. And your phone, I’ll take it for that time. If you can’t be responsible for getting to school, then you can’t be responsible for having a phone.” He held his hand out.

“It’s my phone. You can’t have it.” I mumble.

“What did you just say?”

“No. It’s mine.” I held my head up and I stared him down. 

I saw it happen before I could react, his hand grabbing the back of my neck, grabbing the skin tightly in his hand. I straighten, the buzz in my neck going crazy. He pulls my head back then smashes it into the counter. I fall down as he lets go of me, crumbling into a ball. 

“You keep making me teach you lessons Peter. How about you start learning from them.” He hisses and reaches into my pocket, where my phone is and takes it. “You can have it back in two weeks. Now clean yourself up, you look like shit.” He walks away and I start crying. I gently touch my hand to my eyebrow and wince in pain. I look at my hand and see blood, so that’s what he was talking about a mess for. 

I struggle to stand up, my brain going fuzzy and weird. I look down and see only a few droplets of blood on the ground, most of it on my shirt. I grab a few paper towels and wipe the area down, making sure the kitchen had no signs of my blood.

I decide to clean myself up and head into the shower. After looking at my shirt while not on me, I realize that it is not salvageable. I toss it in the garbage in my room and lie down. My brain is practically yelling at me to sleep.  


* * *

  
**WEEK 5**

I put my books into my bag and go down the stairs. I open the front door but I hear Skip’s voice call out before I go.

“What will you be telling people if they ask about your face?” I look down and sigh.

“Fell down the stairs.” I mumble.

“Good.” I nod and hurry out the door and make my way to day one of finals. I hadn’t gone to school on Friday as Skip did not allow me with the bruising on my face. Most of those are gone now and there is just the cut. Well technically it was a new cut. I couldn’t let him question why I heal so fast so every night this weekend I have been reopening the wound, making it look fresh. 

I walk into the school later than normal, grabbing the necessities then heading to my first exam. I sat in the back, not in my usual place with Ned and MJ. Having a lot of time to think over the weekend about what happened I realized something; They deserve better. They don’t need me dragging them down. So I will distance myself from them until they just stop trying. A few minutes later I see them walk into the classroom, talking to each other. The teacher calls for everyone to take seats. I see them look around and spot me in the back. MJ looks at me weirdly, but the teacher starts telling us the exam rules, so she shifts to face the front again.

Writing the exam was easy. I had all weekend with no distractions to study. I’m pretty sure I read the whole textbook. I handed my exam in first and was allowed to go to the library to study for my next one. 

At some point I think I zoned out because I blink and suddenly Ned and MJ are standing next to the table I’m sitting at.

“Peter” I turn to MJ and just look at her. “Where were you? You didn’t show up for classes on Thursday and Friday. And you were even here on Thursday. What is up with that?”  
“According to you, you don’t want to know.” I mumble.

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

“You said you don’t want me to lie. So I won’t. Doesn’t mean I have to talk.” I gather my stuff up quickly and stand up. “Listen, I’ve been a burden enough for you guys these past six months. I’m done doing that. So please, just pretend I don’t exist.” I turn to walk away but I feel my arm be tugged back. I look at MJ, assuming she was the one who did it, but it was Ned.

“Seriously dude? After everything, you’re just peacing out?” He asks.

“Look, you guys made it clear that I can’t have secrets, of any kind. And that's not going to work for me.” I turn back around but get tugged back by MJ this time.

“You are protecting him? You are choosing Skip, the abusive foster parent, over your best friends that love and want to protect you? That’s, that's not something my boyfriend would do” She scoffs and I pause at what she just called me. We may have been more than friends but we never labeled it anything. And now to know that she thinks of me that way I just…

“It’s not like that” I mumble.

“Then tell us how it is because that is what it looks like.”

“I’m Peter Parker. I’m the kid who doesn’t have parents. Or really a family. They are all dead. And I can handle that so I self harm. I’m a useless, stupid kid that doesn’t deserve a friend like you Ned, or, or a girlfriend like you MJ. You guys deserve the world, and I’m down in the dumps. So I’m not choosing him, I’m choosing for you guys to have a better life than what you can have with me in it.”

“That’s- I, what-” Ned splutters but MJ interrupts him.

“What have I been telling you for months Peter? You are amazing, smart and kind. This is why I remind you, so you don’t go off thinking something ridiculous like you’re stupid, because you’re not. And we want you in our lives Peter. We chose to be your friend. We chose to stick by you. We want to help you, so please let us.” MJ pleads.

“You guys are always helping me. And I can’t give you anything. I just, it’s better if-”

“Us, Peter? Well you are a great friend. But what about what you do for everyone else as Spider-Man” Ned whispered, making sure no one else is around to hear us. “You need someone to make sure you’re okay. And we like being those people for you dude.”

“Yeah Peter. Don’t cut us out because you think you aren’t good enough. Because you are. And don’t let anyone tell you different.” MJ locks eyes with me and smiles.

God, did I really think letting them live their lives without me was going to be easy? But do I really want to? They have been there for me through the hardest few months of my life. They deserve more than me kicking them to the curb. 

“Okay, okay.” I smile slightly. They both pull me in for a group hug and I let out a deep breath. Even though it has only been five days since I have had physical contact with them, it was a breath of fresh air. I missed this, despite the fact that a year ago I would’ve hated this. How did I think abandoning them was a good idea? They are literally the only thing keeping me sane.

“Now Peter, I know the last time we touched base on this topic it was rough, but it needs to be spoken. Is Skip abusing you?” I nod slowly. “Report it. Or let me report it. Or Ned’s mom. It doesn’t matter. Someone needs to report it so you can get out of there.” MJ asserts.

“No.” I state. “When Jennifer was driving me there, she said, I was lucky to be put with Skip. It is normal for kids to first be put with a foster home, with lots of kids. Or even an orphanage. But, because I have a scholarship to Midtown, the system decided to try to keep me in the area with someone that can afford books and stuff. Their only option was Skip. She said if this doesn’t work out, I would not be able to stay in Midtown.” I explain.

“Peter it’s a school. Your life is more valuable than that. So is your mental health.” She retorted.

“And being with you guys is for my mental health. And getting the education from here gives me a better chance at getting a scholarship for university. And that is my only way out.”

“Dude, doesn’t mean you should let yourself get hit. Like I assume that cut above your eye is from him.” 

“And there are other ways to hang out with us. After school, or talking on the phone.” MJ adds.

“You guys aren’t going to let this go are you?” They both shake their heads. “Fine, but there has to be a plan. I want to finish exams before anything is reported. It’s only until Thursday, I promise I will report it to Jennifer right after. Besides, she is supposed to be here this week for her monthly visit.”  


* * *

  
I walk into the school Thursday morning, stressed out. Not because it’s my last exam. But because…

“Peter, we are almost free until next year!” Ned runs up to me smiling. 

“Ha, yeah.” I force a small laugh out.

“What’s up with you?” 

“Well I-” 

“Do my eyes deceive me or are both of you here before me?” MJ walks up to us.

“Yeah, that’s because you are running late.” Ned looks at her.

“Yep. My mom drove me to school. She thinks she knows the short cuts around the city. She doesn’t” She explained then kissed my cheek. “Now, Peter why do you look like that? Worried for the last final?”

“No, I just, can we just get through that final?” 

“Pete, you said you’d talk to us now” Ned piped in.

“I will. Just after. I just need to focus on that final, then we talk.” I let out a sigh.

They agree and we walk into the classroom. We get split up by the seating plan made just for this exam. The teacher goes over the rules, gives us two hours, then everything is silent.

Handing the test in after an hour, I head over to my locker. I clear everything out for new locker assignments in January. A little bit after, Ned and MJ meet me there, having quickly cleaned out theirs. Walking out of the school with them, I slowly find the words to explain myself.

“I am angry, tired, and pissed off with the world.” They both look at me. “I go to Skip’s house yesterday after school, and he is all happy. Like in a really good mood. I don’t think much of it, because whatever. I don’t care. We go through the afternoon, then we are eating dinner when I decide to ask about Jennifer. I didn’t want to be completely blindsided with her coming over. Well turns out she did her monthly visit yesterday. While I was at school writing exams.”

“She can’t do that!” 

“And that's what I said MJ. And he laughed and was like, ‘well what are you going to do, tell on me?’” I made my voice different and acted like Skip. “But I guess my poker face doesn’t exist. And he realized that I was. He didn’t do anything last night because he knew I had to go to school today. But as soon as I walk through that door today, I’m fucked. I’m literally going to get my ass handed to me.”

“Then don’t go back there” MJ stopped me from walking further. 

“I can’t just-” 

“Yes you can. Come on, we will go to Ned’s house, get an adult involved and get you placed somewhere else. If CPS isn’t going to keep you safe, then we will.”

“Yeah dude, you know my mom will let you stay until this gets sorted.”

“But I need to get my stuff” I protest. 

“So let’s go. The three of us go, he won’t do anything right?” 

“I mean, it is only noon, so he is probably still at work.” I mumble. 

“Perfect let’s go.”

We walk the short distance to Skip’s house and head up to my room. We all quickly pack my things, we don’t want to be here when Skip gets home.

“Did we get it all?” Ned hesitates by the door. I dig through my two bags, clothes, check, Spider-Man suit, check, a few of my gadgets and…

“Shit my photo album.” I go over to the bed and pull the book out from under the mattress. It was something that I didn’t want to get ruined. It had all the pictures of me and my family. The first part starts with Me, my mom and day, some have May and Ben as well. Then it’s just May and Ben with me, Ned in a few, MJ in the most recent photos. Then just an empty book. May wanted to fill it with my High School and University years, but I guess that won’t be happening now.

I put the book into my backpack. I grab the duffle bag and Ned grabs the suitcase with wheels. We make our way out and make it a few blocks before I feel like I can breathe again. I hold MJ’s hand and we all stop for lunch at Delmar’s. We all go over to Ned’s house and play some games, waiting for his mom to get home so she can explain to Jennifer, or whoever what has been happening.  


* * *

  
“So let me get this straight, you are accusing Skip of hitting you?” Jennifer asked.

“Yes.”

“Peter, you realize what this will do to his reputation? He will never be able to foster another kid, ever.” 

“Excuse me, but are you saying that Peter is lying? I have known this kid his whole life basically. He wouldn’t do that.” Ned’s mom cuts in.

“I get that, but you don’t know what problem children do in the system. They rebel and try to take it apart by doing things like this.” Jennifer retorts.

“Problem children?” Mrs. Leeds asks baffled.

“Yes. Children that harm themselves because they think it cool. Or whatever the reason.” My eyebrows furrow. How does she…

“How do you know about that?” I ask.

“Skip told me. He said he saw them one day, but was too nervous to ask you about it. Skip is a good guy Peter, just give him another chance” 

“But I always wear-”

“He said your sleeve slipped up briefly. Now come, grab your stuff and I will take you back there. You can apologize and maybe he will let you back.”

“I’m sorry but what part of he is being abused do you not understand?” MJ hissed. 

“Listen little girl, this doesn’t concern you.”

“You will not speak to Peter or MJ like that!” Mrs. Leeds stood up in anger. “What you will not do is take him back to that house. He deserves to be in a better, safer place. And this Mr. Wescott character, yeah it would probably be best if he didn’t foster kids anymore. It sounds like he is abusing all of them.”

“Miss, you don’t get a say in this.”

“But I do. So yes, I want to report Skip. And yes, I want to be placed in another home.” It’s about time I decide to choose what is best for me.

“You will not be at midtown anymore. The only place that can take you right now is a home across the city.” She threatened.

“Well, anything is better as long as I’m not getting abused” Jennifer huffed at me.

“Fine. Peter, let’s go. We can go to my office to report Skip, then I will take you to the home.” I nod and thank Mrs. Leeds for everything. I turn to Ned and hug him and lastly MJ. We may be fourteen, but we are connected; I feel it. I hug her and kiss her cheek. 

“I will miss you guys. We may get to talk all the time, but I won’t see you guys for a while. Thanks for everything, and making sure I did what was best for me. Even if that means having to say bye to you guys, Temporarily.” I whisper, tears forming. We have a small group hug, the three of us crying, not knowing when the next time we will get to see each other again.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys liked it. That's about as detailed as the self harm gets, so I hope it wasn't too bad.
> 
> Forgot to mention, This story is named after the song Home by Philip Philips, and the chapter will be the lyrics. That is because I am uncreative and couldn't decided what else to call it.
> 
> Please feel free to hit me up on tumblr, you can find me [here](https://serious-problems.tumblr.com/)


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